My Heart Aches for You

My heart aches as I feel you near. At times I want to run away- but I have no where to hide. I feel your spirit penetrating all of me – even in my most intimate and vulnerable moments ….reminding me of what could be, what is meant to be- if I would simply Allow it.

You encircle me, swirling your Divine presence around me -asking me to fulfill the Sacred Contract I signed with you so long ago. But I don’t want to!! I admit it!! I am living in fear- terrified to ask, terrified to dream, terrified to entertain the thought of love again. I want to scream in your face ‘Are you crazy???” Do you know how many times I have been wrong before? Do you know how many years I have spent alone? Do you know what you are asking of me??? To be vulnerable AGAIN? To TRUST -in blind faith? Nooooo, I am not ready, I won’t do it!! I will close my eyes and pretend you aren’t here!!!

Ohhhhh but I know you are. I FEEL you. And I feel my heart pounding, beating to the sound of HOPE -telling me it is time. With the most gentle patience, you remind me that there has been no ‘wrong’ path and that each of my past partners, each painful experience, each tear shed- was preparing me for YOU.

So, I ask you this -PLEASE be patient with me. Please hold on. Give me time to strengthen my fragile heart. Give me time to prepare for something NEW. And in return -i vow to you- i will Surrender. I will move so very far outside my comfort zone and accept that it is safe to love again. I know i would not feel you knocking at my door, if I were not ready to open it. Thank you. Thank you for coming to me in my darkest moments. Thank you for loving and accepting me as I am now. I know I refer to you as my Future Beloved- but we both now that time is just an illusion -and in TRUTH- we are already merged as ONE.

E. Caban

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