What I Won’t Do For Love

Tap, tap, tap…I deeply & completely love myself…tap, tap, tap (EFT style)

I AM Love. I need not search for it. If I desire that precious, euphoric, Divine Bliss – all I need to do is go WITHIN. I see so many of my Brothers and Sisters desperately searching to ‘find it’ and then to ‘own it’ Rest assured if you fall into this category it is only because you have a void within yourself and no person; nothing can fill this void. They may be able to temporarily fill it, but eventually you will revisit this void and it will sabotage any form of happiness you filled it with.

I see many many, even evolved, spiritual beings still getting swooped into the cliché that you need another to experience true Love. I see many compromise their own standards, boundaries and ideologies just for a cheap shot at filling the void that lies within. Anything to mask the darkness, the loneliness, the sadness. Many are not even aware of this void because they have been masking it for so long. I, too, have experienced this void from time to time. I, too, have tried to fill it in the past with another’s love; with food; with alcohol; with my work, but always found that all those substitutes eventually just landed me in a deeper void.

In my last, long-term relationship, I found that I often battled with an internal conflict. I was using his love to replace the love I once gave to myself. The result was a silent, unspoken unhappiness within one I could not understand until I finally exited the relationship and returned once again to myself.

So here is my commitment to myself, no matter what, I love ME more than anything. I owe it to my own precious soul to experience its natural state of Bliss and Euphoria without the illusion that I got it from another. I will not stop until I come back to this state on my own.

I won’t go searching for a partner. I won’t go out on multiple dates, desperately hoping i might eventually find someone. I know that when I meet my next Soulmate, it will not be because I got the best pick of the litter. I will not find him through the process of elimination. I will attract him through my powerful, creative intentions and he will manifest when the time is perfect, not when I think it’s time. Divine Timing is key when meeting a Soulmate. I know if I go ‘searching’ I will certainly find a partner, a Mr. Right-for-Now and then convince myself he is the one. I don’t want that. I have had that too many times. I want Mr. Divine-Soulmate-Because-I-Waited. No exceptions.

I won’t use dates to fill my time so I don’t feel lonely for we are never alone anyhow. Our Beloved exists within us. I will enjoy my silence, my Sacred time alone. For it is during this time of retreat that I get to experience my own intimate the one between me and God. When I am alone, I shall talk to God, dance with God and make love to God. I will get to know myself again, searching within to see who I am at this moment for we are forever changing and expanding  and I am never the same person. My needs and desires are always changing so who am I at this moment? I owe it to myself to honor this ‘new’ me.

I will love, love, love me. I will buy myself flowers, take myself out on dates, play, sing, laugh until I cry and share my beauty and love with the world, not just one person!

I will heal myself first! I will take the time – however long it is to go within, with a Huge flashlight. I will ask God to reveal to me what areas need healing or expansion. I will be honest with myself and admit my human flaws, weaknesses and illusions so that I can release them,  instead of bringing them into my next relationship. I will not rush this process, for I know that healing happens in layers. I will not do a ‘little’ work and then tell myself it is enough. I will take a deep look at exactly what i want from a partner, write it down and then take a close look at myself. Am I at the frequency of this Soulmate that I desire and know I deserve? Do I have the very qualities that i am asking for in this person? If not, instead of lowering my standards, I shall work on myself until I do. In this way, I will be expanding myself and raising my own vibrations so high that I am assured to ‘attract’ this Divine partner.

Should I meet someone, even if I think he might be my Soulmate I won’t jump in with my eyes closed. I will befriend him, get to know him, enjoy his company. And continue spending time with myself, loving myself. There is no rush, especially if you think this person might be your soulmate. In fact, if you suspect that he/she is all the more reason to wait! You will have a lifetime together, so why rush things? I never understood why people meet, have a beautiful connection then decide to drop the rest of their world, their friends, their work, their precious solitude and consume every waking moment with that person. Slow down. Take your time and get to see every side of this person before you decide that he/she is the ‘One.’ Everyone puts their ‘game-face’ on in the beginning the side of them they want you to see. But we all have shadows. Who is this person once the ‘newlywed phase’ is over? I want to see that side before I label you as my Divine partner and definitely before I commit to you.

If Spirit should reveal to me that you are indeed my Soulmate I shall REJOICE! I shall not, however, lose myself in you. I will love you and receive your love with gladness but I will not lose sight of the most precious authentic love, which exists within me. You may add joy, peace; Bliss and love to my life but you are not the Source of it. God is the source and I shall never trade one love in for the other I shall have both. For the love I share with God, I shall share with this partner and not the other way around.

I will not try to own our love, label it, define it or claim that it will last forever nor make any vows to any of this either. I shall love you with all my heart, unconditionally. I shall love you until it hurts and i feel as if my heart is exploding! I shall bless each and every moment we spend together and thank God for each day you are in my life. But I will not write you into my future. For we cannot travel into tomorrow, though our ego will try to convince us to do this. Our fear-based Ego will tell us that we need a guarantee, we need a ‘safety’ plan, and we need to know that we can own this thing that brings us so much love. Our Ego tells us it is not safe to let go, to be vulnerable, to surrender unless there is a guarantee. But one is not truly being vulnerable and surrendering if they need a guarantee in order to do so. And I have learned the hard way that there is never any guarantees in life except that it is forever changing. The only constant is that we are energetic beings, forever growing and expanding yet we know not in which direction. Therefore, although I can hope we grow and expand in the same direction I will not promise for we simply do not know. Instead I will take a chance, put my heart on the line and love you in this present moment and that will be enough. Anything else would be an expectation and expectations set us up for disappointment.
Love is the greatest reminder of our TRUTH. It is the pathway back home. It will make us sigh, walk around in la-la land, singing and humming and viewing the world through rose-colored glasses. It will inspire us, heal us, make us laugh, make us cry, bring us to ecstasy and heightened states of Euphoria. My friends that is how we are supposed to feel all of the time! Why are you waiting for or depending on another to help to ‘arrive’ at this place? This state of being is your Divine make-up!! You ARE Love. Find this state of bliss inside of yourself! Travel there NOW! And if you don’t know how to get there, instead of waiting on another to show you set out an intention to find it yourself! Make this your lifetime goal! So many people make their lifetime goal to find a partner, get married and live happily ever after. So your goal is Codependency? Why would anyone choose that? Instead rearrange your priorities and choose FREEDOM instead of co-dependency. Freedom means that you have this beautiful, complete and perfect state of happiness and fulfillment in your life, no matter what because you found it on your own. In this way, no one can ever take it from you either. You may have to do healing work; you may have to drop old, outdated beliefs, fears, and stigmata’s. But I assure you, it is worth it!! The price you pay will be returned to you fifty fold!!

written by Elaine Caban and totally & completely expresses tot he word, how I feel and where I am on my journey.

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