Women Experience Sexual Frustration, Too

As we enter into the twenty-first century, gender norms and attitudes towards how men and women should behave are changing for the better. In most cases we’ve done away with rigid stereotypes that dictate how a man or a woman should behave. We’ve learned to see masculinity and femininity as fluid characteristics, that don’t necessarily correspond to gender. In the same vein of thinking, sexual frustration is no longer something that only affects men. Women are now free to express their sexual needs in order to prevent feelings of sexual frustration.

Throughout history, women have been taught to stifle their sense of sexuality in order to appear respectable, pure, and desirable in a man’s eyes. For women this meant resisting sex when it was offered and never expressing an outright desire to have sex. It was considered unthinkable that a woman would experience sexual frustration, because sex was always centered around the male. Men had ‘uncontrollable’ sexual urges and it was a woman’s fault if she tempted a man into action. Today, there is still something of a misconception that men have greater libidos and sex drives as compared to women.

Your sex drive is affected by a number of factors. Firstly, there are hormones circulating in your body that determine how you feel, sexually. For women, hormone levels fluctuate along with the menstrual cycle. Therefore, how amorous a woman feels at any given time depends on where she is in her cycle.

Of course, there are other factors that can greatly affect libido, especially for women. Emotionally traumatic events, such as the death of someone close to you, a particularly nasty breakup, or stress at work can all have serve to dampen or light your sense of sexual desire. In addition, mood disorders such as depression or bipolar disorder can also cause both increases and decreases in libido. Another fairly obvious factor in determining libido or sexual desire is how connected the woman feels to the person she is sexual with. There are a great number of things that can affect a woman’s desire for sex.

Sexual frustration can occur in conjunction with any of the aforementioned lifestyle changes. The change might be totally obvious, or it might be difficult to recognize why you feel the way you do. It might be difficult to communicate the change to your partner, if you have a certain routine. Perhaps you want sex more and your partner isn’t interested in increasing frequency. If that’s the case, you’re likely to experience some sexual frustration.

If that is the case the best thing to do is discuss how you feel with your partner. We are lucky to live in an era where it is okay

for women to express their sexual needs. Sexual frustration can be addressed through honest discussions that don’t center on rigid gender roles, such as what a woman should feel or what a man should feel. Being honest and open is the best way to address a problem if you have one. If you want to feel sexually satisfied, the best thing to do is have a conversation about your needs.

In addition to communication with your partner, energy healing methods such as Chakra Healing can dramatically improve your sex life by getting to the root of the issue and eliminating the cause of the problem.

 

 

 

 

guest post from Mindvalley http://www.mindvalley.com/

10 Surprising Facts About Orgasms

Learn everything you never knew about climaxing

Psst—you over there! Don’t be shy…orgasms are as much a part of women’s health as dental floss—but a lot more fun. For all the things you’ve been dying to find out as well as things you’ve never even thought of, expand your knowledge about the “big O” with this list of enlightening facts.

 

1. Orgasms can relieve pain.
Got a headache? Maybe you should have sex after all. “There is some evidence that orgasms can relieve all kinds of pain—including pain from arthritis, pain after surgery and even pain during childbirth,” notes Lisa Stern, RN, MSN, a nurse practitioner who works with Planned Parenthood in Los Angeles and blogs at Gynfizz.com. “The mechanism is largely due to the body’s release of a chemical called oxytocin during orgasm,” she says. “Oxytocin facilitates bonding, relaxation and other positive emotional states.” While the pain relief from orgasm is short-lived—usually only about eight to 10 minutes—she points to past research indicating that even thinking about sex can help alleviate pain.

2. Condom use doesn’t affect orgasm quality.
In case you’re wondering if a condom has anything to do with the quality of your orgasm, don’t. “Women are equally likely to experience orgasm with or without a condom, dispelling myths that condoms don’t make for good sex,” says Debby Herbenick, PhD, a research scientist at Indiana University and author of Because It Feels Good. “In fact, condoms may help a couple spend more time having sex, as a man doesn’t have to ‘pull out’ quickly if he’s worried about ejaculating too soon,” she says. If your guy is resistant to wearing a condom because of lack of sensation, consider manual stimulation first, before intercourse, so he can have an equally enjoyable experience.

3. Thirty percent of women have trouble reaching orgasm.
If you’ve ever had trouble climaxing, you’re not alone. According to Planned Parenthood statistics, as many as 1 in 3 women have trouble reaching orgasm when having sex. And as many as 80 percent of women have difficulty with orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone. Clitoral stimulation during intercourse can help, says Stern, but so can medical treatment. “Female sexual dysfunction (FSD), which encompasses the inability to orgasm, is very common—as high as 43 percent, according to some surveys—and has been a topic of much debate and medical investigation lately,” she says. “For some women, topical testosterone therapies or some oral medications can be helpful, but few medical treatments have solid evidence behind them.” Because FSD may be associated with certain medical conditions, be sure to see your doctor to rule out things like thyroid disease, depression or diabetes.

4. Finding your G-spot may improve the likelihood of orgasm.
Can you identify your G-spot? The “G” refers to Ernst Gräfenberg, MD, a German gynecologist who is credited with “discovering” it in the 1950s, and sex experts have long touted this area of female genitalia, which is believed to contain a large number of nerve endings, as the key to helping women achieve longer and stronger orgasm. But it’s a controversial topic. Researchers in England refuted its existence recently, even after Italian researchers supposedly found the spot on ultrasound and published their findings in The Journal of Sexual Medicine. Still, sex educators like Los Angeles–based Ava Cadell support the existence of the G-spot, and encourage women to find theirs. While the location may be slightly different in all women, it’s most often found inside the vagina and is characterized by a “rougher” texture.

5. Orgasm gets better with age.
Sure, there are plenty of things to gripe about when it comes to age, but your sex life may actually improve—specifically the quality and frequency of orgasm, reports Dr. Herbenick. “Orgasm becomes easier with age,” she says. “As an example, while 61 percent of women ages 18 to 24 experienced orgasm the last time they had sex, 65 percent of women in their 30s did and about 70 percent of women in their 40s and 50s did.” Though the survey didn’t indicate why orgasms come easier with age, we can assume that as women become more sexually experienced, they have more confidence in the bedroom and therefore enjoy themselves more. Additionally, the trust and intimacy that most women experience in long-term relationships can help improve sexual confidence as well.

6. Women who mix things up in the bedroom have more frequent orgasm.
If you have trouble reaching orgasm during intercourse, consider switching things up, says Dr. Herbenick. “It is significantly easier for women to experience orgasm when they engage in a variety of sex acts as opposed to just one act,” she says. “For example, vaginal sex plus oral sex would be linked to a higher likelihood of orgasm than either one of them alone. This may be because more sex acts mean that people spend more time having sex.”

7. A woman’s sexual self-esteem can affect the quality of her orgasms.
Research shows that how a woman feels about her genitals is linked to the quality of her orgasms. “As a women’s health clinician, I can vouch for the fact that every vagina looks different and there is no ‘perfect’ way for a vagina to look,” says Stern. “As long as your vagina is pain-free and you don’t have any abnormal discharge, sores or other medical problems, you can consider yourself healthy and normal.” Increase your orgasm potential by increasing your confidence, she says. “It’s important to treat yourself the way you would want others to treat you—send yourself healthy, positive messages about yourself and your body.” Another trick: Pull out a hand mirror and take a look! Getting to know yourself down there is the first step in feeling confident about your parts.

8. There is an orgasm “gap.”
While it’s true that a small number of men have trouble with orgasm, sex experts report that it’s rare. Instead, a significant percentage of women report not having had an orgasm the last time they had sex, even when their male partner thought they had. “We still have an orgasm gap,” notes Dr. Herbenick. “While 85 percent of men thought their partner had an orgasm during their most recent episode of sex, only 64 percent of women reported having an orgasm.” The cure? It’s complicated, says Dr. Herbenick, but women who are comfortable with and understand their body’s pleasure points can often learn to orgasm regularly.

9. In rare cases, orgasm can happen without genital stimulation.
We’ve all heard about women who can orgasm while sitting on a train or while getting a massage, but it’s no urban legend. Experts say it’s a real phenomenon. “I had a friend who had an orgasm every time she used the treadmill,” says Stern. “If that happened to all of us, we’d be a much more physically fit society!” But, humor aside, there’s an explanation for why this occurs. “The reason for spontaneous orgasms during certain activities is twofold—increased blood flow to the genitals and vibration of or contact with the clitoris. The increased blood flow and the general relaxation of a massage can lead to orgasm sometimes, too.”

10. For most women, it takes a while…
Many women take longer to climax than their male partners, and that’s perfectly normal, says Stern. In fact, according to statistics, most women require at least 20 minutes of sexual activity to climax. “If you find that your partner often reaches orgasm before you do, there are ways to help him slow down,” she says. “Mental exercises can sometimes work, and so can firm pressure around the base of the penis. If premature ejaculation is a concern, your partner may want to see a primary care doctor or urologist to find some techniques that might help.”

Sarah Jio is the health and fitness blogger for Glamour.com. Visit her blog, Vitamin G.

Love Lost?

Love Lost?
Love lost is never so,
it’s merely redirected.
Passion’s wings can rise again,
with flight of love effected.

Love’s perfection removes fear,
the imperfection shows connection
to some endearing spirit, albeit
lacking variable, minus equation

The memories of love felt as such
are ever catalyst for
the sending of sweet energy
on loves lost, altered course.

Peace for memories of the past
let the peaceful memories last
with grace allowing for
the present open door.

By: Jay Vincent

The Aim of Tantra

The mind which we use in day to day life for perception and cognition ordinarily acts through the senses. But if we can introvert the senses and turn the mind inwards, it manifests itself through inner experience and an expanded mind.

Thus matter is separated from energy, thereby liberating the energy or Shakti principle, which then unites with Shiva or consciousness, creating homogeneous awareness.

Just as a river expanding into the ocean loses its limitations and restrictions, similarly the finite mind expands into the cosmic or infinite mind and thus becomes a receptor and transmitter of the truth. When this occurs, there is a resulting explosion of energy and the inherent consciousness is freed from the matter. This can be likened to the kundalini experience and this has always been the aim of Tantra.

In Tantra, this concept is interpreted as Shiva or unconditioned consciousness, which exists as a silent witness within each one of us. Tantra allows scope for the development of each and every individual regardless of his stage of evolution. Tantra says that, whether you are a sensualist or a spiritualist, as atheist or theist, whether strong or weak, rich or poor, there is a path for you which you have to discover.

This is the goal of tantra, not occult sex, nor black magic, nor the acquisition of siddis (psychic power), nor licentious living. These have never been the aim of Tantra. Tantra may have been misinterpreted by some in this manner, but that is a different matter altogether, moreover, we can hardly rely on those who have failed to achieve homogeneous awareness to present a true analysis of Tantra.

The word ‘tantra’ means technique, the method, the path. So it is not philosophical – note this. It is not concerned with intellectual problems and inquiries. It is not concerned with the ”why” of things, it is concerned with ”how”; not with what is truth, but how the truth can be attained. 

TANTRA means technique. So this treatise is a scientific one. Science is not concerned with why, science is concerned with how. That is the basic difference between philosophy and science. Philosophy asks, “Why this existence?” Science asks, “How this existence?” The moment you ask the question, how, method, technique, become important. Theories become meaningless; experience becomes the center.

Tantra is science, tantra is not philosophy. To understand philosophy is easy because only your intellect is required. If you can understand language, if you can understand concept, you can understand philosophy. You need not change; you require no transformation. As you are, you can understand philosophy – but not tantra.

You will need a change… rather, a mutation. Unless YOU are different tantra cannot be understood, because tantra is not an intellectual proposition, it is an experience. Unless you are receptive, ready, vulnerable to the experience, it is not going to come to you. Philosophy is concerned with the mind. Your head is enough; your totality is not required. Tantra needs you in your totality. It is a deeper challenge. You will have to be in it wholly. It is not fragmentary. A different approach, a different attitude, a different mind to receive it is required. Because of this, Devi is asking apparently philosophical questions.

Tantra starts with Devi’s questions. All the questions can be tackled philosophically. Really, any question can be tackled in two ways: philosophically or totally, intellectually or existentially. For example, if someone asks, “What is love?” you can tackle it intellectually, you can discuss, you can propose theories, you can argue for a particular hypothesis. You can create a system, a doctrine – and you may not have known love at all. To create a doctrine, experience is not needed. Really, on the contrary, the less you know the better because then you can propose a system unhesitatingly. Only a blind man can easily define what light is. When you do not know you are bold. Ignorance is always bold; knowledge hesitates. And the more you know, the more you feel that the ground underneath is dissolving. The more you know, the more you feel how ignorant you are. And those who are really wise, they become ignorant. They become as simple as children, or as simple as idiots.

The less you know, the better. To be philosophical, to be dogmatic, to be doctrinaire – this is easy. To tackle a problem intellectually is very easy. But to tackle a problem existentially – not just to think about it, but to live it through, to go through it, to allow yourself to be transformed through it – is difficult. That is, to know love one will have to be in love. That is dangerous because you will not remain the same. The experience is going to change you. The moment you enter love, you enter a different person. And when you come out you will not be able to recognize your old face; it will not belong to you. A discontinuity will have happened. Now there is a gap, the old man is dead and the new man has come. That is what is known as rebirth – being twice-born.

Tantra says, accept whatsoever you are. 

You are a great mystery of many multidimensional energies. 

Accept it, and move with every energy with deep sensitivity, with awareness, with love, with understanding.

For tantra, doing is knowing, and there is no other knowing. Unless you do something, unless you change, unless you have a different perspective to look at, to look with, unless you move in an altogether different dimension than the intellect, there is no answer. Answers can be given – they are all lies. All philosophies are lies. You ask a question and the philosophy gives you an answer. It satisfies you or doesn’t satisfy you. If it satisfies you, you become a convert to the philosophy, but you remain the same. If it doesn’t satisfy you, you go on searching for some other philosophy to be converted to. But you remain the same; you are not touched at all, you are not changed.

Written by: 

Shajesh Tantra Master

What If We Told Our Little Girls This?

What if we told our little girls this?

It’s ok to touch yourself
Anywhere
Whenever
If you want to
If it makes you feel good
If you get wet that’s okay
If you don’t that’s okay too
Just wash your hands before
Just like you do before you eat
Prepare
Treat your body like a temple
Every time you do anything with your body it is sacred
When you are older enjoy your body as much as you can
Feeling good is ok
Share your body whenever you want to
When you don’t feel like sharing, that’s ok too
There will be times when you don’t feel like loving your own body
There will be times when you want to love yourself several times a day
If you share your intimate moments with others they may feel closer to you
Or they may not
Not everyone learns what I am teaching you
But my concern is you
The most important thing is to love yourself
When you love yourself so much you will reach a point
That you don’t need anyone else
You will feel that full and that complete
Then you will overflow
Then you can’t do anything but share your love
It will exude from your very pores
People will tell you they feel something special about your energy
Your ego will like hearing it
But your heart will be so full of love that your ego will shrink
You will begin to see love everywhere
You will begin to see love in all things
So far no one has found a limit on how much love there is
When your physical body is ready to die
Your love lives on
Your special energy to be shared for eternity
So when you touch yourself remember
It’s perfectly ok.

~Shakti Ma

Reblogged from: http://dodsonandross.com/blogs/carlin-ross/2012/03/what-if-we-told-our-little-girls

A Beginner’s Guide to Tantric Sex

Tantric sex attempts to bring two loving partners together in more than just a physical manner. The word Tantra is Sanskrit and is derived from the root word tan meaning “to extend, expand, spread, continue, spin out, weave, to put forth or manifest.” The idea is to extend your mind and encompass your body to achieve the ultimate satisfaction. In the practice of Tantra, there is a sort of “being- consciousness-bliss” which has the power of self-evolution and self-involution (learning and expanding and looking into oneself). Therefore, the evolution of self helps to bring two people closer together.

One essential element of Tantra is taking time to become absorbed in oneself and your partner. The methods learned and used in Tantric sex provide sensations and sexual pleasure far more intense and complex than just a simple orgasm. In Tantric sex, the orgasm is simply a by-product of the connectedness we feel with our partner.

You begin by creating an environment that is free from distractions, an area that is calm, quiet and peaceful. Your sacred space should be clean of clutter, decorated peacefully, warm, and inviting. Since you will be naked, the room should be warm in temperature as well. Nothing disconnects you from your lover like a shivering body. Playing soft music, lighting candles, and being comfortable are all especially important in creating a Tantric environment.

Once you are in your love haven, sit on the bed, face each other, look into each other’s eyes, and simply breathe. You have to get in touch with each other’s rhythm. You breathe in and out purposefully, paying attention to your lover’s rhythm. As you continue to breathe together, you become closer spiritually, more relaxed, and more in tune. The more attuned you are, the more aware and connected.

Tantric sex is not a race to the finish. Tantric sex is slow and purposeful, but fun. While traditional Tantrists will practice the slow lovemaking for hours upon hours, the average person trying to learn Tantra is not going to have the patience or, quite frankly, the willpower to devote such time. The idea is to not rush, to enjoy yourself, and get as highly aroused as you can.

The basic idea here is to caress, stroke, lick, touch, kiss, and otherwise tease and enjoy each other. You can take turns with a slow, seductive massage or simply sit and touch each other slowly. Pay homage to your lover’s body – all of it. That means ears, nose, neck, stomach, thighs, feet, and so on. The goal is to become familiar, relaxed, and aroused by the whole person, not just the penis or the vagina though you may wish to include a Lingam and Yoni massage as part of your lovemaking.

When you begin the actual sexual intercourse stage, it is important to bring yourself to a heightened state of arousal and then let yourself down. This means, while you are making love, when the man feels his orgasm impending, he should stop, breathe, come down a bit, and then continue to pleasure his partner and himself. This not only builds a tremendous level of sexual tension, but it also develops self-control, heightens the emotional connection, and makes the final release ten times more intense.

Eventually, both partners will get to the point when they have to release. Since Tantric sex involves a total connection, as you are preparing to release your sexual tension, make sure to look deeply into your lover’s eyes, feel their breathing, and communicate your feelings. When a couple is connected in this way, the orgasm that comes will be totally engulfing. Orgasm does not mean that journey ends though. Take the time to connect with one another, and your own road to enlightenment will begin.

When personal Tantra instruction is either inconvenient or too expensive, Al Link and Pala Copeland’s Sexual Mastery Course and Kerry and Diane Riley’s Ultimate Home Tantra Course are two excellent self-teaching courses. I highly recommend either of these courses for those who can’t find a local Tantra teacher, attend a Tantra workshop, or just want to explore Tantra in the privacy of their own home.

“My own understanding is that man had his first glimpses of awakening, of meditation, in moments of lovemaking — nowhere else. It was only in moments of lovemaking that human beings realized for the first time that so much bliss is possible” — Osho

Reblogged from: https://www.facebook.com/nino.roso1

The Tantra Secret Of Male Multiple Orgasms

Male multiple orgasms are an elusive treasure that most men spend their entire lives chasing without ever attaining it. In fact, there is absolutely no reason why multiple orgasms in men should be shrouded in such mystery. Tantra holds the key to this much sought-after concept – and no, it is not a secret jealously guarded by some fundamentalist tantra teacher. In fact, the boundary between any man and his ability to have multiple climaxes is simply one of misconception and lack of training.

The simple fact is that men are born multiple-orgasmic. Most boys have in fact experienced multiple orgasms many times before they reach their teens. The reason why they are able to experience this is because they have not yet achieved the ability to ejaculate. The first explorations of their sexuality begin without any bias towards the need to produce a spoonful of fluid. In that sense, their experiences are closer to the truth than that of most adult males.

Ejaculation does NOT equal orgasm (as many men know first-hand). Not does orgasm necessarily equal ejaculation. Ejaculation is merely a reflex action of the genitals which comes after a certain sequence of feeling-spurred actions. Because of age-old conditioning, this purely muscular reflex is seen as the zenith and epitome of male sexual pleasure.

However, the fact is that a man can experience multiple orgasms simply by understanding the concept fully, and abandoning certain stubborn preconceptions. Since ejaculation and orgasm is not the same thing, it is possible for a man to experience a series of climaxes without ejaculating. It is a matter of training and mind control – not of sexual prowess. And there is certainly nothing mystical about it.

Yes, it is true – by studying tantra under an experienced tantra teacher, it is possible for any man to become multi-orgasmic. When this happens, the celestial dance of love between man and woman can truly begin. Woman is multiple-orgasmic for the simple reason that her climax is not correlated with an ejaculatory reflex. When her man also sheds this limitation and discovers his true sexual potential, he truly becomes her equal – and her divine consort. He is then able to worship his tantra goddess from a level ground.

“If a man has intercourse once without spilling his seed, his vital essence is strengthened. If he does this twice, his vision and hearing are made clearer. If three times, his physical illnesses will begin to disappear. The fourth time he will begin to feel inner peace. The fifth time his blood will circulate powerfully. The sixth time his genitals will gain new prowess. By the seventh his thighs and buttock (muscles and meridians) will become firm. The eighth time his entire body will radiate good health. The ninth time his life-span will be increased.”~ Canon of Taoist Wisdom

Sexuality in Tantric Buddism

Please note that this very brief explanation is merely intended to give a taste for the profundity of tantric practice as antidote to what many people think is a mere superstitious belief in thousands or strange “gods” with many arms and feet that are having sex all the time. All the images and ritual involved are merely intended to practice very advanced techniques for training the mind and controlling subtle energies within one’s body.

It is quite the opposite of ordinary sex with attachment and craving.
As mentioned in my Tantric Exercises article, parts of the exercises in tantric practice are involving controlling and transforming bodily energies. Sexual energy happens to be one of the strongest forms of physical energy; simply said, it is built-in by nature to ensure the survival of the species. Also these sexual energies need to be completely controlled and transformed. What is usually overlooked is that sexual practices in tantra should be free from the ordinary desires and lust, and only very advanced practitioners should try these practices after permission from their teachers. Simply said, it has very little to do with ordinary sex. Arousal of the sexual energy is preferably done by just visualizing a consort. The union of male and female are symbolic for the union of method or compassion and wisdom, or more specific in tantra, the union of bliss and emptiness. (See also Keith Dowman’s website for a more elaborate explanation.)

 

“Through the skillful methods of tantra, meditators are able to cultivate pleasure in a way that actually aids in spiritual progress. Afflicted grasping and desires based on mistaken ideas are the problem, not happiness and pleasure. If the pursuit of happiness and pleasure can be separated from afflictive emotions, then it can be incorporated into the path and will even become a powerful aid to the attainment of enlightenment.”  From ‘Introduction to Tibetan Buddhism’ by John Powers

This also illustrates one of the typical aspects of tantra: rather than repressing negative emotions like attachment, they are transformed into positive energy. But using this transformation principle has two sides: it is not only a very effective means of making mental changes, but if they are done without proper guidance of a qualified teacher, the practitioner can easily increase negative emotions rather than reducing them. So very powerful psychological techniques like tantra need to be treated with much care and consideration to avoid disastrous results for the practitioner.

byKathryn Ryder

tantric sex

Dating back 6,000 years, Tantric sex is an Eastern spiritual technique in which sex is considered a “full-body” experience with a goal of spiritual enlightenment. In other words: instead of rushing to the finish line, couples learn about each other’s states of arousal to intensify pleasure all over. This kind of love-making is said to lead to multiple to orgasms for both women and men, and improve sexual communication between partners. While orgasm isn’t the ultimate goal with Tantric sex, which involves licking, fondling and caressing each other while slowing building up to arousing marathon-like sex — which those (like Grammy-winning artist, Sting) who practice say is quite incredible.

Beginning Tantric Sex Techniques

This kind of lovemaking, say sex experts, has a distinct beginning and ending, with a climax somewhere in between and an average duration of 10 to 15 minutes. Given that women can take about 20 minutes just to reach full arousal, this type of sexual experience can be deeply unsatisfying.

In the Tantric model, the sexual experience is seen as a dance with no beginning or end. There is no goal, only the present moment of exquisite union. For this reason, lovemaking is meditative, expressive and intimate. Tantra teaches lovers how to extend the peak of their sexual ecstasy so that women and men can experience several orgasms in a single sexual encounter.

Leading teachers of Tantra suggest that even men who experience premature ejaculation can learn how to extend orgasm, and, with practice, to enjoy multiple orgasms. One of the most well known advocates of Tantra is the musician, Sting, who credits his fulfilling sex life to this ancient art. With ingredients such as love, trust and mutual respect, the magic of Tantra is available to couples of all ages and levels of sexual experience.

The following exercises will help you reconnect with your body and with your partner in a profound way. As you move through these steps, do not focus on intercourse as the ultimate goal. Instead, simply enjoy giving and receiving pleasure using gentle touch and loving words.

Communicate with your lover to discover what he or she finds most arousing. Try to spend several weeks practicing the Tantric Intimacy Exercises without necessarily engaging in intercourse. For many, experiencing these erotic exercises with no pressure to “go all the way” helps release sexual guilt, builds trust and reawakens sexual desire. Enjoy!

Basic Tantric Sex Techniques

The Tantric tradition emphasizes preparation for lovemaking. Erotic rituals such as those described above focus on exchanging pleasures, awakening the senses and allowing couples to communicate on deep physical and emotional levels.

During this time, lovers are able to establish an intimate connection that can be maintained and heightened as they transition into the sexual dimension. Intimacy exercises are a form of extended foreplay, helping titillate lovers for the sex that is to come and create the optimal conditions for Tantric lovemaking.

As you experiment with Tantric techniques, don’t worry whether you are doing something the “right” way. Tantra does not judge right or wrong, good or bad. Ultimately, your pleasure is what matters most.

As you transition into sex, the idea is to maintain a state of sexual ecstasy for as long as possible. Tantric lovemaking is not result-oriented, but rather, timeless and unstructured.

Maintain a deep level of intimacy. Continue to gaze into each other’s eyes as much as possible. Sprinkle your lover’s face, neck and shoulders with light kisses and whisper words of love and encouragement. Help each other feel loved and desired.

Keep it slow. A long, slow build helps men control orgasm and piques women’s arousal. According to Tantric teacher, Robert Frey, the longer you linger in this process of building energy, the longer men can resist ejaculation. During this time, focus on each other. If your thoughts should wander, gently bring your attention back to the present, concentrating on your lover and the magic of the moment at hand.

Bring your attention back to your breath. Resist the urge to breathe quickly. Quick breathing or panting creates arousal, speeding you toward orgasm. Instead, take long, slow, deep breaths from the belly, exhaling gradually. You may match your breath to that of your partner, or try breathing alternately—as you inhale, your partner exhales. This moves energy back and forth and connects you to your lover.

Vary your positions to explore your duality. Different sex positions add to sexual pleasure and balance male and female energies. When lovers release themselves from gender roles, they are free to engage in deeper, more intimate sex. Men realize their sexual potential through surrender, by being soft and open, gentle and vulnerable. Women, in turn, can direct and initiate. As you experiment with different positions, some male-dominant, some female-dominant, explore your capacity to be strong and gentle, generous and receptive.

Tantric Intimacy Exercises

Use ritual to develop intimacy. Begin your journey with a ritual. This may be something as simple as feeding each other delicious foods or sharing a glass of wine in the nude. Some couples enjoy bathing together in order to attune to each other.

Take time to wash each other with loving care. Water relaxes the body and is a symbol of sexuality. Massaging each other is also an excellent way to fuse your energies. Or, read poetry to each other, dance, play, listen to music—work on developing new intimacy skills. Most importantly, use this time tocommunicate,sharing what you adore about each other. The idea is to help each partner feel loved and cherished.

In order to fully focus on each other (rather than on the goal of sex), some lovers experiment with various intimate rituals for several weeks before moving on to the next steps or engaging in intercourse. This is a wonderful way to strengthen the bonds of love and ignite passion.

“The only time we ever think about breathing is when we have trouble doing it, yet conscious breathing can be a powerful aid in sexual growth,” according to sex therapist Marty Klein, Ph.D. of Palo Alto, California. Breathing exercises also quiet the mind and help you focus on each other.

Try this exercise: Sit quietly, cross-legged, facing each other. Rest your hands on your knees with your palms facing up. As you gaze into your partner’s eyes, take soft, but deep breaths. Keep your eyes open, gazing beyond the eyes, into the soul. Although this may feel awkward at first, sustained eye contact is essential for building intimacy.

Now, pay attention to your breathing. Begin to breathe at the same pace, bringing air slowly in through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. Maintain eye contact while you breathe together. Practice this exercise until you can sustain eye contact and harmonized breathing for about 10 minutes. Then, you may move into the next exercise.

Experiment with erotic touch to fully appreciate your partner. This most pleasurable practice will help you become better lovers. Although you should continue to maintain eye contact, don’t worry about keeping your breath synchronized. Breath will come back into play later. Guide your partner as you take turns stimulating each other. Describe exactly how you would like to be touched.

Share your desires in an encouraging way, making requests in a clear and loving manner. For example, ask your lover to caress your clitoris or penis (or any erogenous zone), encouraging him or her to apply more or less pressure, to stroke in a specific pattern, to use the tongue, etc. Thank your lover and let him or her know with words or sounds that you are enjoying this sensual touch.

Once you become comfortable with this process, you may wish to create a “pleasure chest.” Include whatever excites you and your partner—a feather, vibrator, massage oil, blindfold, soft fabric, erotica and loving notes to each other are just a few ideas. As you pleasure each other, don’t be shy about asking for something different. This is your time for appreciation, experimentation and for taking responsibility for your own fulfillment by asking for what you want.

From here, you may wish to embark on your own erotic journey. Create amorous adventures together, exploring new and creative ways to awaken each other’s bodies and minds. Then, you will be ready for Tantric lovemaking.

Multiple Orgasms for Men

Tantric sex distinguishes between the experiences of orgasm and ejaculation. Although they often happen at the same time, men are capable of having orgasms without ejaculating. Ejaculatory control is what makes it possible for Tantric lovers to capture and extend the magical energy of orgasm. By holding back, men can experience a series of “mini-orgasms.”

This does not mean that you are never to ejaculate, but that you can control your climax. The essence, say Tantric experts, is to catch a wave of energy and to surf the edge without going over. Use these strategies to stay atop the wave:

The pubococcygeal (PC) muscles, which run from your public bone to your tailbone, are the ultimate sex muscles. These are the same muscles used to stop the flow of urine. If properly conditioned, the PCs enable you to stop ejaculation while continuing to enjoy sex. Kegel exercises are the best way to tone the PCs.

Here’s how: Contract your PC muscles three times per day, squeezing 20 to 25 repetitions. This is a simple exercise that you can do at anytime. Just don’t overdo it. After a month of conditioning, try to extend the squeeze, holding each contraction for two seconds. Gradually work up to 10 seconds. Once your PCs are in top shape, you will be able to pump them in order to ride the orgasmic wave without gliding over the brink too soon.

Relax. Although it sounds paradoxical, it’s important for men to stay relaxed during high states of arousal. If you feel the undulations of ejaculation, take a slow, deep breath and stop making love long enough for your arousal to subside. Relax and try to direct energy from your penis up through your body.

Take this time to talk to your partner or to draw several slow, deep breaths. By experimenting, you will discover how much “time out” you require before catching the next wave. The idea is to allow yourself enough time for the intensity to subside, but not so much that you lose your erection.

Put it all together. When you and your partner make love, thrust slowly, allowing your arousal to build gradually. Before your excitement mounts, relax for a moment, tighten your PC muscles and take a deep breath. Resume your lovemaking, continuing to generate excitement.

Then, relax again, hold your PCs and breathe. Continue to ride this swell until you near the crest. Then, open your eyes, clamp down on your PC muscles and take a deep breath to experience the joy of orgasm without ejaculating. Since these techniques take practice, expect a few “wipe outs” before you achieve mastery.

Freeing Female Orgasm

It is often said that a woman’s most powerful sex organ lies between her ears. Since desire can be short-circuited by fear, guilt, stress and a host of other distracting thoughts, women often need to concentrate onfeeling rather than thinking when making love. Taking breaks to pleasure each other, manually and orally, is a great way to ward off any lingering diversions and to coax one or more orgasms.

Clitoral stimulation. Most women require stimulation of the clitoris and labia (the inner lips surrounding the clitoris) during sex to reach orgasm. Prolonged clitoral touch with a gentle, patient hand is, for many, the key to sexual ecstasy. Use sounds and positive words to guide your lover, showing your partner how to stroke you just so.

The sacred spot. The Grafenberg Spot (G-spot) is referred to in Tantra as the “sacred spot.” This potent and mysterious erogenous zone is located about two to three inches up on the front side of the vaginal channel. When your lover is aroused, slip your ring finger into her vagina allowing your fingertip to brush against the inner wall.

The G-spot is between the size of a pea and a quarter with a slightly rippled texture. For some women, though not for all, gentle stimulation can induce powerful orgasms and even female ejaculate. However, take care not to over-stimulate this sensitive spot.

According to Tantric philosophy, lovers who have practiced these ancient techniques can learn to direct sexual energy through the body’s “chakras,” or energy centers. Moving the energy of orgasm through these physical channels is thought to create sensations of ecstasy throughout the body and to enhance health.

There is much to learn about this ancient art. “Tantra is a school of many courses in which there are many levels of study and an unlimited degree of potential for spiritual gain, for sexual delight, and for worldly success,” state Charles and Caroline Muir, authors of “Tantra: The Art of Conscious Loving.” Although they caution that Tantra does not promise instant results, for couples who wish to enrich their relationship, these practices “can release a particular kind of energy that can bring about harmony…and increase sexual pleasure and intimacy.”