Tantric Lovemaking and Intimacy

Tantra is a spiritual science from ancient India and in its basic essence, very similar to Taoism from China. Both involve balancing the male and female energies to create harmony and have an ultimate goal of unity or spiritual ecstasy, known as enlightenment. Tantra encourages one to explore every aspect of life. So obviously the study of sexuality was included, not only included but in fact revered.

Making love was seen as a gift to God. So there was no repression or guilt attached to sex. It taught that when a man approaches his beloved he should have a sacred feeling as if he were going into a temple. The art of sexual love was the noblest of arts to study. As a young person in ancient India you could go to the sacred temples and be taught lovemaking secrets by Darkas and Darkinis, the priests and priestesses of love. The study of sexuality in the west is very new, whereas relics of Tantric rituals date back nearly five thousand years. So there is an incredible wealth of knowledge we can draw on and use in our own lovemaking.

Tantric lovemaking can add to the ways you make love in three major areas: Firstly: It gives you ways to reach heightened states of ecstasy and pleasure beyond the realms of normal sex.

Secondly, it teaches you ways to open to more love so that your heart opens even more to your partner and you remember how great it feels to be deeply, passionately “in love.”

Thirdly, it teaches Sacred Sex — ways to transform your lovemaking into a sacred experience which will touch you on every level of your being, body, heart and soul.

A male can increase and expand the amount of ecstasy he can have and at the same time increase the length of time he is able to make love so that his partner has a chance of reaching higher states. Ejaculation control is an essential skill to master so that during lovemaking, instead of ejaculating at the first peak of energy which a lot of men do, they can learn instead to peak with that energy and use techniques to spread that energy throughout the entire body. Then as the urgency for ejaculation subsides, continue to make love again until reaching another peak – much higher than the first peak and then he can use techniques to peak and spread the energy again. As he Continues to do this, reaching higher and higher peaks of ecstasy and at the same time his beloved is feeling that energy and is being warmed up to higher orgasmic states.

In Taoist sexuality writings they say, the woman is like water and the man is like fire. What normally happens is the water puts out the fire too quickly, the man is left exhausted and the woman is frustrated. They say there are in fact nine levels of a woman’s orgasm, nine levels that she goes through before she’s fully nourished sexually before her Shakti, her sexual spiritual energy is fully awakened. Most women have their first orgasm at level four; the man ejaculates and the other five levels are rarely reached. We as conscious men, as extraordinary lovers need to be able to make love as long as necessary to satisfy our woman and at the same time reach higher orgasmic states ourselves.

There are two exercises, two techniques that will help with ejaculation control. One is P.C. Muscle exercises and the other is the breath.

These exercises are also beneficial for women to extend their orgasmic response, taking more pleasure for herself and to give more pleasure to her partner. The P.C. muscle is the major muscle of contraction in both sexes for orgasm, so strengthening it increases sensations of pleasure.

The P.C. muscle extends from the base of the spine where it is connected to the coccyx, to the front of the body where it is connected to the pubic bone.

A good way to locate the P.C. or love muscle for yourself is that next time you are urinating try to stop the flow of urination in mid stream. This will give you the feeling of activating the muscle. Then later on in your own private space practice tensing and releasing the muscle several times so that you get the sense of how to do it you can know. It is a good idea to incorporate these P.C. Muscle exercises into your daily routine, associating them with some particular activity you do independent of your lovemaking sessions. Then these exercises will become habitual and you won’t have to set aside a special time to practice. For example you can practice while you drive or travel too and from work. No one will know you are doing it and it can be quite enjoyable. One of our friends in fact, Helen said she started doing this every day for a month while driving to work but unfortunately she had to stop because she said the sensations were getting so strong that she couldn’t concentrate at work because she couldn’t think about anything else at work other than sex and she couldn’t wait to get home to her lover.

And once a man has a strong P/C he can spread the sexual energy up and through his body during lovemaking so he can experience wave after wave of peak pleasure without coming so that he can make love for as long as he chooses, maybe even hours!

Another secret is working with your breath. What most men do as excitement builds up is hold their breath as they get close to climax. If men are to reverse the flow of sexual energy the best way is to breathe slowly, deeply and rhythmically.

For women to enhance your own ecstasy you can us the P.C. Muscle and breath exercise also. You can do this at peaks of energy to spread the orgasmic energy throughout the body. Another way you can enhance your pleasure is to mentally trace or visualize the energy running up the inside of the legs through the calf, the knees and thighs up into the vagina. This is especially good to do if the mind is wondering off onto other things while making love; it helps focus the energy.

Some women need to focus it rather than to spread it and this can amplify the orgasmic response you already have and is especially good for women who find orgasm elusive. What you do is to keep squeezing the P.C. Muscles without spreading the energy. To squeeze the muscles and to feel the charge building up and keep squeezing the P.C. again. It is important to release and bear down as well; this also acts as a focus. Playing with these elements of breath, P.C. Muscle, visualization, as well as movement and sound you can extend your orgasmic potential to one, two, three or even more orgasms. All women are capable of extending their orgasmic potential. The woman’s Shakti is unlimited. The Shakti is the sexual spiritual energy of which women are the custodians. As the Shakti awakens so does the priestess, the healer, the empowerer and the goddess of love within.

A woman’s sexual awakening can propel her on a spiritual path. Men may practice celibacy and achieve spiritual enlightenment, but according to the Tantric texts women’s enlightenment is facilitated by the electric charge of her orgasmic nature.

The next important element is the heart. A lot of people have coined the term, ‘Making love’ whenever they have sex but to me making love is a higher vibration a unique blending of your sexual passion, the heat of your genitals with the deep love and intimacy you feel in your heart. Men who are able to feel their love and share their deep feelings will never have any shortage of women in their lives. The challenge becomes how much love and deep intimacy both partners can bring into lovemaking and a great secret for you to know is the way to a woman’s sexuality opening up, the way to her shakti, her sacred place is through the heart. So how can we bring more intimacy into our lovemaking, more heart connection?

Well one way to create more intimacy is through eye contact, we often shut our eyes while making love and go into our own space which can be really nice of course, but to be more intimate look at your beloved a lot more while making love. Your eyes are the window to the soul, look into each other’s eyes and tell each other how much you love each other, how much you enjoy being with them, how precious they are to you and that’s the second thing you can do to create more intimacy. Talk to your beloved while making love. Tell them what your thoughts are: “I love you. Your fragrance is like jasmine/musk, you make me feel so good.” This is very powerful to create more intimacy.

Another thing you can incorporate into your lovemaking for more intimacy is romance. Romance is an important ingredient to encourage intimacy, an atmosphere of romance is always conducive to higher lovemaking experiences and women dearly love it. So in creating the atmosphere see yourself as a great lover and let your creative self step out of the ordinary and create something out of the ordinary and create something magical, something extraordinary.

You can include things like creating a special time where everything else is left looked after, a special time where you won’t be interrupted and a special space for making love. Maybe not even in the bedroom, maybe going to a different place altogether but make it very special. Prepare the room and prepare each other, bathe together, towel each other down. Use things like massage, candle light, incense, special treats to eat and drink, romance is foreplay to a woman and brings a male in touch with his softer side.

So as a man if you want more lovemaking you then learn to be more intimate because the way to a woman’s sacred place, the way to her yoni is through the heart – through intimacy. Intimacy means In-To-Me-See. Allow yourself to be seen, create more intimacy, and allow your inner feelings to be expressed.

Women can interpret any lack of intimacy as coldness and the colder she feels you are in the heart, the colder she becomes in the yoni. So what happens is she doesn’t want to make love she shuts down her sexuality and that’s usually because she’s not getting enough attention, enough intimacy through the day or through the relationship and because she shuts down her yoni he starts to close down his heart. He shuts down intimacy. She then further shuts down yoni and it goes on and if it continues long enough then a couple caught in this cycle may be headed for separation.

Once you’re aware of the fact that she is coming from the heart and what she wants is intimacy, romance, and she becomes aware that as she keeps shutting down sex she’s never going to get his intimacy, he can do something about it. Being in touch with your heart and how much love you can feel is a wonderful aspect of Tantric lovemaking secrets.

Next time you’re making love stop in the middle of your lovemaking, stop the movement and just ask yourself how much love are you feeling right now and open up your heart and try to feel more of the intimacy, more of the love that the two of you are generating between you.

The third aspect of Tantric lovemaking is Sacred Sex. Tantric lovemaking can be a spiritual practice. In ancient India lovemaking was seen as a way to god. When I tell some people that we use lovemaking in our relationship as part of your spiritual practice they are often shocked. So I ask them what their practices are and they often say either meditation or prayer. Well both meditation and prayer can be brought into your lovemaking and it’s much more fun that way.

If you love sex and you like mediation or you would like to incorporate meditation into your life then you will love this practice.

One practice of tantric lovemaking as a mediation I to sit opposite your partner, close your eyes, and imagine energy moving up your spine on the inhalation with the squeezing of the P.C muscle, and down the spine with the exhalation and releasing of the P.C.

Continue this practice for several minutes and then open your eyes, co-ordinate your breathing with your partner. Then start to exchange energy. As you release the energy down your spine imagine it passing through your genitals to your beloved’s sacred parts, then moving up to their heart centre in the middle of their chest.

On the inhalation contract the P.C muscle and imagine the energy that is now mixed with your partners coming back to you through the same way. Practice this also while making love or kissing. After five or 10 minutes of doing this practice called ‘Red Tantra’ you often get a sense of merging into your partner, a sense of expanding consciousness, of melting into the cosmos.

Eastern religions would call this a state of samadi or bliss. You may have had experiences like this during lovemaking but didn’t know how it happened or how to experience it again. Through the practices of ‘Red Tantra’ you can reach this state at will.

These are only a few techniques of tantric lovemaking, there are over 2,000 years of tantric lovemaking secrets and practices that you can explore to expand the already wonderful ways you make love. Practicing Tantra as a couple can be a journey into love to explore together brining more love, joy and passion to a relationship. Using Tantra as a meditation focuses the mind on the present moment connecting the spirit with the cosmos and the eternal now.

To find out more about Tantric lovemaking, visit www.TantraCourse.com.

Kerry and Diane Riley have been teaching Tantra and relationship seminars over the last 15 years in Australia and Internationally. Their work is practical for modern lovers and was featured in the video “The Secrets of Sacred Sex.” They have a series of Mp3s and a Home tantra course. Diane also conducts special woman to woman workshops on shakti, and Kerry runs private consolations for men.

The Many Faces of Tantra

What is “Tantra?”

Tantra has so many interesting meanings.

  • A “tantra” may be a spiritual practice for achieving “expansion to liberation.” (it may be a ritual or meditation);
  • A “tantra” may be any practice of material transformation or spiritual alchemy;
  • A “tantra” may be a mundane practice of magic, a talisman, or a totem, used for wealth, power, domination, or protection, or soothsaying;

It may be a scripture or treatise enumerating any of the above types of tantric practice.  Most such writings date from 500 AD on to the present.

A “tantra” may be a strictly oral teaching of either mundane or spiritual practice.  Many of these oral teachings date back several thousand years, and are reflected by sculpture, pottery, friezes, paintings, and ritual implements from as far back as 7000BC.

Tantric practice may be highly ornate, with much external ritual paraphernalia, or it may be completely inside the mind, completely internalized as visualization or awareness beginning with a specific focus.

Some tantra does involve the use of “forbidden” substances – alcohol, flesh, intoxicants – but these are used within the context of specific rigorous practices, and should not be taken as excuses for debauchery.

Some tantra involves the use of mantra (sound resonance) and yantra (visual resonance), but not all.

Some tantric schools view existence as “duality” (“I and Thou”) others as “non-duality” (“i am that I am”).  Some are polytheistic, and some are monotheistic, some are not theistic at all.

There are tantric teachers (for instance, some teachers of Samaya Tantra) who will tell you there is no sex in real tantra.  There are tantric teachers who will tell you tantra is only about sex. Neither group is right.

Most tantra works with “sexual” energy, but this may be on the macrocosmic level of natural, universal forces of creation and destruction, or on the interpersonal level of human sexuality (whether physical sex, or visualized “divine” intercourse), or even on the microcosmic level of the polar (male/female, solar/lunar, yang/yin) forces within the individual human body.  In the most powerful practices, tantra may be all of the above.

There are practices developed only in the last 40 years, classified as “Neo-Tantra”, “Modern Tantra” or  “New-Age Tantra”.  Some make valuable contributions, in that they can improve physical and emotional health through loving sexuality, but they lack many of the higher spiritual benefits of traditional tantric practices, and in some ways further obscure the power and meaning of these traditional practices.   But Tantra has many millennia of history of this sort of obscuration –dilution and syncretism are nothing new.

Any one of the above characterizations of tantra, taken individually, is only  half-truth. I’ll explore them all intimately in forthcoming issues of Tantra Tips.

Source: http://www.umaatantra.com/

Sexuality in Tantric Buddism

Please note that this very brief explanation is merely intended to give a taste for the profundity of tantric practice as antidote to what many people think is a mere superstitious belief in thousands or strange “gods” with many arms and feet that are having sex all the time. All the images and ritual involved are merely intended to practice very advanced techniques for training the mind and controlling subtle energies within one’s body.

It is quite the opposite of ordinary sex with attachment and craving.
As mentioned in my Tantric Exercises article, parts of the exercises in tantric practice are involving controlling and transforming bodily energies. Sexual energy happens to be one of the strongest forms of physical energy; simply said, it is built-in by nature to ensure the survival of the species. Also these sexual energies need to be completely controlled and transformed. What is usually overlooked is that sexual practices in tantra should be free from the ordinary desires and lust, and only very advanced practitioners should try these practices after permission from their teachers. Simply said, it has very little to do with ordinary sex. Arousal of the sexual energy is preferably done by just visualizing a consort. The union of male and female are symbolic for the union of method or compassion and wisdom, or more specific in tantra, the union of bliss and emptiness. (See also Keith Dowman’s website for a more elaborate explanation.)


“Through the skillful methods of tantra, meditators are able to cultivate pleasure in a way that actually aids in spiritual progress. Afflicted grasping and desires based on mistaken ideas are the problem, not happiness and pleasure. If the pursuit of happiness and pleasure can be separated from afflictive emotions, then it can be incorporated into the path and will even become a powerful aid to the attainment of enlightenment.”  From ‘Introduction to Tibetan Buddhism’ by John Powers

This also illustrates one of the typical aspects of tantra: rather than repressing negative emotions like attachment, they are transformed into positive energy. But using this transformation principle has two sides: it is not only a very effective means of making mental changes, but if they are done without proper guidance of a qualified teacher, the practitioner can easily increase negative emotions rather than reducing them. So very powerful psychological techniques like tantra need to be treated with much care and consideration to avoid disastrous results for the practitioner.

byKathryn Ryder

tantric sex

Dating back 6,000 years, Tantric sex is an Eastern spiritual technique in which sex is considered a “full-body” experience with a goal of spiritual enlightenment. In other words: instead of rushing to the finish line, couples learn about each other’s states of arousal to intensify pleasure all over. This kind of love-making is said to lead to multiple to orgasms for both women and men, and improve sexual communication between partners. While orgasm isn’t the ultimate goal with Tantric sex, which involves licking, fondling and caressing each other while slowing building up to arousing marathon-like sex — which those (like Grammy-winning artist, Sting) who practice say is quite incredible.

Beginning Tantric Sex Techniques

This kind of lovemaking, say sex experts, has a distinct beginning and ending, with a climax somewhere in between and an average duration of 10 to 15 minutes. Given that women can take about 20 minutes just to reach full arousal, this type of sexual experience can be deeply unsatisfying.

In the Tantric model, the sexual experience is seen as a dance with no beginning or end. There is no goal, only the present moment of exquisite union. For this reason, lovemaking is meditative, expressive and intimate. Tantra teaches lovers how to extend the peak of their sexual ecstasy so that women and men can experience several orgasms in a single sexual encounter.

Leading teachers of Tantra suggest that even men who experience premature ejaculation can learn how to extend orgasm, and, with practice, to enjoy multiple orgasms. One of the most well known advocates of Tantra is the musician, Sting, who credits his fulfilling sex life to this ancient art. With ingredients such as love, trust and mutual respect, the magic of Tantra is available to couples of all ages and levels of sexual experience.

The following exercises will help you reconnect with your body and with your partner in a profound way. As you move through these steps, do not focus on intercourse as the ultimate goal. Instead, simply enjoy giving and receiving pleasure using gentle touch and loving words.

Communicate with your lover to discover what he or she finds most arousing. Try to spend several weeks practicing the Tantric Intimacy Exercises without necessarily engaging in intercourse. For many, experiencing these erotic exercises with no pressure to “go all the way” helps release sexual guilt, builds trust and reawakens sexual desire. Enjoy!

Basic Tantric Sex Techniques

The Tantric tradition emphasizes preparation for lovemaking. Erotic rituals such as those described above focus on exchanging pleasures, awakening the senses and allowing couples to communicate on deep physical and emotional levels.

During this time, lovers are able to establish an intimate connection that can be maintained and heightened as they transition into the sexual dimension. Intimacy exercises are a form of extended foreplay, helping titillate lovers for the sex that is to come and create the optimal conditions for Tantric lovemaking.

As you experiment with Tantric techniques, don’t worry whether you are doing something the “right” way. Tantra does not judge right or wrong, good or bad. Ultimately, your pleasure is what matters most.

As you transition into sex, the idea is to maintain a state of sexual ecstasy for as long as possible. Tantric lovemaking is not result-oriented, but rather, timeless and unstructured.

Maintain a deep level of intimacy. Continue to gaze into each other’s eyes as much as possible. Sprinkle your lover’s face, neck and shoulders with light kisses and whisper words of love and encouragement. Help each other feel loved and desired.

Keep it slow. A long, slow build helps men control orgasm and piques women’s arousal. According to Tantric teacher, Robert Frey, the longer you linger in this process of building energy, the longer men can resist ejaculation. During this time, focus on each other. If your thoughts should wander, gently bring your attention back to the present, concentrating on your lover and the magic of the moment at hand.

Bring your attention back to your breath. Resist the urge to breathe quickly. Quick breathing or panting creates arousal, speeding you toward orgasm. Instead, take long, slow, deep breaths from the belly, exhaling gradually. You may match your breath to that of your partner, or try breathing alternately—as you inhale, your partner exhales. This moves energy back and forth and connects you to your lover.

Vary your positions to explore your duality. Different sex positions add to sexual pleasure and balance male and female energies. When lovers release themselves from gender roles, they are free to engage in deeper, more intimate sex. Men realize their sexual potential through surrender, by being soft and open, gentle and vulnerable. Women, in turn, can direct and initiate. As you experiment with different positions, some male-dominant, some female-dominant, explore your capacity to be strong and gentle, generous and receptive.

Tantric Intimacy Exercises

Use ritual to develop intimacy. Begin your journey with a ritual. This may be something as simple as feeding each other delicious foods or sharing a glass of wine in the nude. Some couples enjoy bathing together in order to attune to each other.

Take time to wash each other with loving care. Water relaxes the body and is a symbol of sexuality. Massaging each other is also an excellent way to fuse your energies. Or, read poetry to each other, dance, play, listen to music—work on developing new intimacy skills. Most importantly, use this time tocommunicate,sharing what you adore about each other. The idea is to help each partner feel loved and cherished.

In order to fully focus on each other (rather than on the goal of sex), some lovers experiment with various intimate rituals for several weeks before moving on to the next steps or engaging in intercourse. This is a wonderful way to strengthen the bonds of love and ignite passion.

“The only time we ever think about breathing is when we have trouble doing it, yet conscious breathing can be a powerful aid in sexual growth,” according to sex therapist Marty Klein, Ph.D. of Palo Alto, California. Breathing exercises also quiet the mind and help you focus on each other.

Try this exercise: Sit quietly, cross-legged, facing each other. Rest your hands on your knees with your palms facing up. As you gaze into your partner’s eyes, take soft, but deep breaths. Keep your eyes open, gazing beyond the eyes, into the soul. Although this may feel awkward at first, sustained eye contact is essential for building intimacy.

Now, pay attention to your breathing. Begin to breathe at the same pace, bringing air slowly in through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. Maintain eye contact while you breathe together. Practice this exercise until you can sustain eye contact and harmonized breathing for about 10 minutes. Then, you may move into the next exercise.

Experiment with erotic touch to fully appreciate your partner. This most pleasurable practice will help you become better lovers. Although you should continue to maintain eye contact, don’t worry about keeping your breath synchronized. Breath will come back into play later. Guide your partner as you take turns stimulating each other. Describe exactly how you would like to be touched.

Share your desires in an encouraging way, making requests in a clear and loving manner. For example, ask your lover to caress your clitoris or penis (or any erogenous zone), encouraging him or her to apply more or less pressure, to stroke in a specific pattern, to use the tongue, etc. Thank your lover and let him or her know with words or sounds that you are enjoying this sensual touch.

Once you become comfortable with this process, you may wish to create a “pleasure chest.” Include whatever excites you and your partner—a feather, vibrator, massage oil, blindfold, soft fabric, erotica and loving notes to each other are just a few ideas. As you pleasure each other, don’t be shy about asking for something different. This is your time for appreciation, experimentation and for taking responsibility for your own fulfillment by asking for what you want.

From here, you may wish to embark on your own erotic journey. Create amorous adventures together, exploring new and creative ways to awaken each other’s bodies and minds. Then, you will be ready for Tantric lovemaking.

Multiple Orgasms for Men

Tantric sex distinguishes between the experiences of orgasm and ejaculation. Although they often happen at the same time, men are capable of having orgasms without ejaculating. Ejaculatory control is what makes it possible for Tantric lovers to capture and extend the magical energy of orgasm. By holding back, men can experience a series of “mini-orgasms.”

This does not mean that you are never to ejaculate, but that you can control your climax. The essence, say Tantric experts, is to catch a wave of energy and to surf the edge without going over. Use these strategies to stay atop the wave:

The pubococcygeal (PC) muscles, which run from your public bone to your tailbone, are the ultimate sex muscles. These are the same muscles used to stop the flow of urine. If properly conditioned, the PCs enable you to stop ejaculation while continuing to enjoy sex. Kegel exercises are the best way to tone the PCs.

Here’s how: Contract your PC muscles three times per day, squeezing 20 to 25 repetitions. This is a simple exercise that you can do at anytime. Just don’t overdo it. After a month of conditioning, try to extend the squeeze, holding each contraction for two seconds. Gradually work up to 10 seconds. Once your PCs are in top shape, you will be able to pump them in order to ride the orgasmic wave without gliding over the brink too soon.

Relax. Although it sounds paradoxical, it’s important for men to stay relaxed during high states of arousal. If you feel the undulations of ejaculation, take a slow, deep breath and stop making love long enough for your arousal to subside. Relax and try to direct energy from your penis up through your body.

Take this time to talk to your partner or to draw several slow, deep breaths. By experimenting, you will discover how much “time out” you require before catching the next wave. The idea is to allow yourself enough time for the intensity to subside, but not so much that you lose your erection.

Put it all together. When you and your partner make love, thrust slowly, allowing your arousal to build gradually. Before your excitement mounts, relax for a moment, tighten your PC muscles and take a deep breath. Resume your lovemaking, continuing to generate excitement.

Then, relax again, hold your PCs and breathe. Continue to ride this swell until you near the crest. Then, open your eyes, clamp down on your PC muscles and take a deep breath to experience the joy of orgasm without ejaculating. Since these techniques take practice, expect a few “wipe outs” before you achieve mastery.

Freeing Female Orgasm

It is often said that a woman’s most powerful sex organ lies between her ears. Since desire can be short-circuited by fear, guilt, stress and a host of other distracting thoughts, women often need to concentrate onfeeling rather than thinking when making love. Taking breaks to pleasure each other, manually and orally, is a great way to ward off any lingering diversions and to coax one or more orgasms.

Clitoral stimulation. Most women require stimulation of the clitoris and labia (the inner lips surrounding the clitoris) during sex to reach orgasm. Prolonged clitoral touch with a gentle, patient hand is, for many, the key to sexual ecstasy. Use sounds and positive words to guide your lover, showing your partner how to stroke you just so.

The sacred spot. The Grafenberg Spot (G-spot) is referred to in Tantra as the “sacred spot.” This potent and mysterious erogenous zone is located about two to three inches up on the front side of the vaginal channel. When your lover is aroused, slip your ring finger into her vagina allowing your fingertip to brush against the inner wall.

The G-spot is between the size of a pea and a quarter with a slightly rippled texture. For some women, though not for all, gentle stimulation can induce powerful orgasms and even female ejaculate. However, take care not to over-stimulate this sensitive spot.

According to Tantric philosophy, lovers who have practiced these ancient techniques can learn to direct sexual energy through the body’s “chakras,” or energy centers. Moving the energy of orgasm through these physical channels is thought to create sensations of ecstasy throughout the body and to enhance health.

There is much to learn about this ancient art. “Tantra is a school of many courses in which there are many levels of study and an unlimited degree of potential for spiritual gain, for sexual delight, and for worldly success,” state Charles and Caroline Muir, authors of “Tantra: The Art of Conscious Loving.” Although they caution that Tantra does not promise instant results, for couples who wish to enrich their relationship, these practices “can release a particular kind of energy that can bring about harmony…and increase sexual pleasure and intimacy.”


The Tantra attitude about sex…

The Tantra attitude about sex is that sex is not a need. It is a cosmic experience, it is an experience of meditation. It is an instinctual return to our ultimate reality, one of the highest forms of meditation. In fifteen minutes to an hour or more of uninterrupted coitus, Tantra seeks a complete loss of the ego. Just see the difference. Freud says it is a gratification for the ego. And that’s how it has become, and Freud is not wrong. If you see the modern man, he is right. People go on making love just to prove that they are males or females, or what charming people they are, beautiful people they are. People go on finding new women, new men, just to prove that ‘I am still attractive.’ My observation of people is that they don’t fall in love.

Their joy is not love, their joy is conquest. Once they have achieved a woman they are no more interested in her. It is not love. Now they are seeking new pasture, now they want a new woman. Now they want to prove again that they are still young, looked at, they still have charisma, magnetism. And the more women they can make love with, the more their ego is satisfied. This is not love. And Freud is right that sex gives ego-gratification.

But look at Tantra. Tantra has a totally different idea. Tantra says: The appeal of sex is because it gives you a moment of egolessness, timelessness, meditation. Because of ego-gratification, sex has become very very superficial, it only scratches the skin. It does not go deep, it has no depth. So many people are worried about premature ejaculation. The reason? They don’t love. If they love, then naturally they can make love for longer periods — the more you are in love, the longer the period will be. For hours you can be in love, because there is no hurry, the ego is not controlling.

In a Tantra coitus you can remain for hours. It is a kind of melting with the woman or with the man, it is a kind of relaxation into each other’s being. And it is meditative, because there is no ego, no thought stirs. And time stops. This is a glimpse of God. Tantra is the natural way to God, the normal way to God. The object is to become so completely instinctual, so mindless, that we merge with ultimate nature — that the woman disappears and becomes a door for the ultimate, the man disappears and becomes a door for the ultimate.

This is the Tantra definition of our sexuality: The return to absolute innocence, absolute oneness. The greatest sexual thrill of all is no search for thrills, but a silent waiting. Utterly relaxed, utterly mindless. One is conscious, conscious only of being conscious. One is consciousness. One is contented, but there is no content to it. And then there is great beauty, great benediction