Just My Opinion

All this talk on the net about Tantra…Neo, Red, White Tiger, Green, and probably many more names I’ve not yet heard. What is this thing called Tantra and why are there so many flavors?

I cannot speak for anyone else on this planet. I can ONLY speak for ME. I am not drawn to Tantra so I can have some complete stranger do sexual things with me under the guise of “enlightenment”. I know it’s not a popular stance to take, but when I hear sexological body worker I think…hmmm, another word for whore, prostitute, or whatever moniker you wish to use. But, hey…that’s just me. I’m still working on that judgmental piece of my ego!!! She is a wild one to tame!

When I first heard of Tantra in the early 70’s I was just learning about sex. I was raised in a strict Southern Baptist denomination, but that did not stop me from experimenting sexually. As I posted in one of my earlier posts, I am a sexual being and have been so since a very young age. Long before I even knew what sex was:)

It wasn’t only the sexual positions I saw in the Kama Sutra that piqued my interest; it was the connection of souls. My sexuality is equal to my spirituality. Again, something I learned at a very early age.

The thought of some stranger touching me in such an intimate way and connecting with my spirit when I am most vulnerable makes me shudder. Although I read voraciously on the topic and try so hard to keep my upbringing and prejudiced out of it, I am simply loathe to allow that kind of intimacy!

My own grandfather crossed that boundary with me as my father prepared to go off to war in Viet Nam and I am scarred. His disgusting acts on me made me not trust men and is probably why I refuse to date men who are my age or older. I never told my family until I was 18 and the old coot made a sexual comment about my 14 yr old sister and I flipped out! We were in the midst of burying & grieving over the loss of our 15 yr old brother & deviant made a comment that brought out all of the anger I had been hiding for so many years. Needless to say, it was traumatic for all:(

Fast forward to now and I still find it difficult to have any sort of relationship with an older man. I know in my head that they are not all perverts & I’ve had some really great elderly neighbors, but you can bet they never came into my house without their spouse.

I continually work on keeping an open mind about Tantra/Taoist/Kemetic/Conscious sexual practices. I know I need to learn somewhere and so I am a member of many communities like this one. I am an avid fan of Jaiya, the “sex expert”. I belong to groups who study & promote polyamorous relations, calling it Progressive Love (Jujumama-Kenya Stevens & hubby Carl). Even though I have been a part of these communities for a couple of years, I still do not want to practice what I learn with a stranger. I believe sex is sacred and the older I get & the more I learn, my belief is made stronger that it is not for casual encounters. There is tremendous power in the energy of sex and it is this power I am looking forward to harnessing with my lover.

Being Sensual Is Not Only About Sex

Sensuality and how we relate to our surroundings are two of the most important factors in our daily lives.

After all, without touch there would be no feeling; without sight, we wouldn’t see beauty; without sound, there would be no music; without taste, food would hold no delight; without scent our lovemaking would not hold the enchantment we long for.

Humans need to be touched. Physical contact is important for both our mental and physical well-being. I recently read that we need 14 hugs a day to be healthy. It’s not unusual for individuals to go for long periods of time without even getting a hug from another person. When in a relationship we may take kisses and hugs for granted, but when single, we may lament the loss of touch and sensuality in our lives. So, how does a single person find the nurturing and sensual feelings of touch without going the route of one night stands and quick flings? For many people, the idea of sensuality is associated with sexuality. We think of sensual touch, sensual kisses, and sensual moments between the sheets.

At its core, however, being sensual is not about sex at all. Being sensual is about living in your senses as opposed to your mind. It means connecting to your physical body as it exists, perceives and feels in this very moment. The Way of the Peaceful Warrior speaks to this…being present…in the moment. It is a philosophy embraced by many religions.

Sensuality is taking pleasure in the world around us. It is being Present and aware of our surroundings.

You can become more sensual at any moment by becoming aware of your five senses. What are you hearing? What are touching? What are you tasting? What are you seeing? What are you smelling? Find the sensual energy in everything: your foot rolling through a step, your fingers tapping on the keyboard, your lips and tongue pronouncing words, your eyes moving from one object to another. No action is too small to ignite your senses. Move your body freely and often. Walk. Dance. Bike. Swim. Swing your arms. Stretch.

Don’t be in a hurry to move onto the next thing. Don’t rush a conversation to a close, a career to its next level or a kiss to sex.

A sensual person experiences each moment totally—and knows that a simple, complete, fully present, deep inhale can evoke as much ecstasy as anything.

Sensuality is taking pleasure in the world around us.

Who doesn’t enjoy slipping into bed with the scent and the feel of freshly laundered sheets, hung outside to dry, against our skin? Especially after a warm shower or bath in which we slathered our bodies with softly scented luxurious oils and creams? I have a few favorites, don’t you?

I love getting prepared for my love to come over. Shaving all the parts he likes smooth and leaving those he likes to be simply manicured. Smoothing oils & lotions with heady aromas on my warm skin; my hair washed & softly cascading over my shoulders.

Clean soft bedding, candles everywhere so there is no harsh light to jar our senses. Softly playing seductive music in the background from a playlist so carefully constructed. Our favorite tidbits of fruits & sweets to nibble on….our favorite beverages…bliss… sensual bliss.