Be Impeccable with Your Word

My Values

I recently re-looked at one of the many values/personality/skills tests I often take. It seems I am on a continuous quest to understand who I am. However, I am finding that it is not I whom I want to understand. I want to be UNDERSTOOD! And I want to understand others.

Not long ago I went through a romantic relationship break-up. I am the one who broke it off and yet it seems I am the one having trouble letting it go. I don’t like that part of me. I know why I ended it. I wasn’t happy. I felt taken for granted. I had to beg for sex, for crying out loud!!! We had a quasi-polyamorous relationship. I say quasi because he is in a committed relationship with someone and I have other lovers and he knows about them and they know about him. I am a huge proponent of No Secrets! She, however, pretends I do not exist most of the time. Of course there are the times when our relationship is put before her. She goes through his phone and sees that we still talk. Then there is the ensuing flurry of hate-filled phone calls and texts from her until he persuades her to stop. Then it’s back to business as usual. This has been going on for almost 2 ½ years and became excruciatingly tiresome.

He lies. He lies to both of us about a myriad of things. His last foray into the Liar Kingdom was simply the straw that broke the camels’ back for me. And so, I ended it and I didn’t do it gracefully. I stumbled like a clumsy oaf through it all; the proverbial bull in a china shop. How appropriate since I am a Taurus after all. It was acrimonious and so ugly! I am embarrassed by the way I handled the whole thing. I wish I could take it back and behave how I really feel in my heart and not allow my ego to have full reign. Alas, I cannot so I dissect the crap out of what I did and didn’t do and try, ever so valiantly, to NOT beat myself up.

As I dissect, I try to understand my motives. That is what has led me to read the book I am reading by Don Miguel Ruiz, “The Mastery of Love, A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship”. Perhaps you have read one of his previous works, The Four Agreements, an excellent missive of Toltec wisdom. I often refer to it, especially when troubled by a personal event, such as this current break-up. The first agreement, Be Impeccable with Your Word, has been coming up quite often recently; not only with my lover, but with my former roommate & his brother. Apparently it is something I need refreshed in my own life and that is why it continues to come up. The simple way of saying this is, “Do What You Say You Are Going to Do”. An online personality, Danielle LaPorte, has also been putting this out there. My father taught me this principle as a young child and he reiterated it quite often through my life. He was a person whose “word” you could take to the bank, as the saying goes. My father taught me to detest lying and the lying liars who tell them. The thing is we all lie at some point for a host of reasons; most of which are just to save face so we won’t be embarrassed. Be Impeccable With Your Word.

Was I not in my past relationship? Am I not in life? The Word. Very powerful stuff, that. The Bible tells us that God created all of creation with just that…His Word. In the New Testament Jesus is spoken of as The Word…In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and The Word is God. (paraphrased from John 1:1) Yes indeed, our words create the world in which we live. Many people will say it is the Vibration of our thoughts that create the world we live in, but I believe our words are just as powerful as our thoughts, our feelings, & our vibrations. People have no clue what we are thinking until we speak. They can guess, they can surmise, & they can assume, but until you actually speak, we’re all fumbling in the dark.

I am thinking I was totally impeccable with my word with my lover. I tried to be on most occasions, however, I sometimes held back. I didn’t fully speak my mind out of fear I wouldn’t be understood. Did he ever really know what I was talking about? He once told me that conversation with me was almost as good as the sex we shared…almost. I wonder if he truly knew how much that affected my feelings for him and how it strengthened our relationship and actually kept it going longer than it should have.

Oh how I miss him, but because I love myself more than I wanted the relationship I left it. I left it because I felt that to continue sent signals to him that it was alright for him to keep lying to ‘her; alright to make promises and constantly break them…no call, no show, no explanation. I was supposed to accept that??? Why? Why would any self-respecting person put up with such contempt or value of their time? The thing is, no SELF respecting person would. I put very little expectation into this relationship because he lied to me from the very beginning of it. Because I had just ended a very abusive relationship and need validating I put up with it. I traded sex for companionship. I traded sex for conversation. I did as many women do, I traded sex for validation.

It is said the lesson will keep coming to you until you learn it. I broke it off with this lover many times before. What makes today different? I REMEMBERED the lesson I had learned at the end of my marriage. I do not need anyone to validate me. I am worthy of love. I am worthy of truth. I am awesome & I know it. I am Strong. I am Powerful. I am Beautiful. All I NEED in this world is to remember that I am wonderfully made and my Creators love me more than I could ever ask or imagine. Now I say yes. Yes to me and yes to life.

Just last week my current roommates’ lover tried to set me up. He felt bad that I am alone. He equates being alone with lonely. I told him that I am not lonely and that I actually enjoy my own company. I am using this time to heal the wounds; to learn more about myself AND others. I am using this time to re-connect to the things that bring me joy. I am using this time to discover all the barriers within myself that keep me from having the love I deserve and the life I want to live. I feel good. Do I miss my lover? Hell yes! We had awesome sex and conversation. But in the end it was all built on lies. The lies he told and the lies I told myself. Never compromise your values. In the end you will be so unhappy with that decision. Be Impeccable With Your WORD.

Spiritual Revolution

Earnestly I seek You Psalms 63:1

ESV 1 O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you;
my flesh faints for you,
as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

A more accurate statement cannot be said of me! My Soul Thirsts for You. I have been a seeker of God and the Truth for most of my life. That includes the childhood years. I have come to this earth this go around to really KNOW God in a way I have yet to Know. There has been the deepest of yearnings in the very core of my being.  It is to Love and to Be Loved.

Initially my search began in the Christian Church. I was raised a Southern Baptist in the US Air Force. Sometimes we simply attended the Protestant services, which were generic in structure so the Methodist, Baptist, Episcopalian, Presbyterian denominations, and so on were accommodated. However, whenever we were anywhere near a Baptist Church it was there my mother shepherded my brothers, sister, and me. I enjoyed being a part of this community. I learned of Christ’s love for me. I learned of forgiveness. I learned that NOTHING could ever separate me from the Love of God…Nothing, not even myself. I learned what it means to be a true servant. Servant. The very heart of who I am.

The church taught me about community, too. In the 1960’s when the world was in turmoil over the Viet Nam War, it was the church where we gathered our strength and our solace. I lived in a community filled with all branches of the military and we drew strength from one another. We went to school together, to church together, shared meals with one another, were there for each other should one of our family members not make it home alive.

The 1970’s ushered in my teen years. I turned thirteen (13) in 1971. Changes were assailing me in so many ways. I had my first real kiss as we transitioned from living in the lushness of Wiesbaden Germany to the arid climate of Albuquerque, New Mexico. People were protesting in huge numbers against the Viet Nam War. The end of it came a year later. Unless you were part of the military community, you could not even begin to know the jubilation we felt when President Nixon said he was bringing everyone home! Most of my friends were wearing bracelets for the POW’s & MIA’s and we were hoping we would be able to take the bracelet off soon. I had a bracelet for Sgt. Ryan and he never came home. I remember the day I took it off and put it in my jewelry box. I cried for him and for his family.

My search for God &Truth continued. We were in the middle of the Sexual Revolution and the Women’s Rights Movement. Abortion became legal when I was sixteen (16) years old. I will never forget that day. We were assailed with tremendous force on what we were to believe, how we were to behave, and so on. I wasn’t seeing a whole lot of God and Truth. What I was seeing was Anger & Frustration. And then there was the “Alternative Lifestyle” going on all around us, swirling in the ethers. The Drug Revolution. I embraced it wholeheartedly. I tried just about every drug available at the time. I quit going to church at fifteen (15). I bought metaphysical books and devoured them with a fierce hunger. I listened to FM radio all night long. Music was the gateway to a whole new way of thinking for me. I purchased the Satanic Bible. I read anything I could on Astrology, Witchcraft, Numerology, Eastern religions. You name it and I dabbled in it. Numerology was taught to me by my eighth grade math teacher. I was exposed to Transcendental Meditation in the tenth grade. I always felt I was before my time. Not many people seemed to be on the same path as me and I felt lonely. Still, I kept searching for God and for Truth.

Fast forward a few decades and my search continues; only now I am not alone. While I was in college in my thirties (30’s) and studying computer science, a new and wonderful thing happened to all of us…the INTERNET! It was just released by the military (that is who created it after all)in the middle nineties (90’s). None of us knew what a great liberator and unifier this new technology was going to be. One of the first browsers, after AOL, was Excite! And I got an email address immediately. Soon after Yahoo came out & took Excites position. Then there was Google, and we all know what happened after that. We are GLOBALLY CONNECTED and it is exciting!

Now I am really not alone because we are in the throws of a Spiritual Revolution. My soul sings with joy because of this. Like-minded souls are connecting. We are gathering strength. We are affecting social and political policies. We are beginning to shape economics. No other time in history has shown the wide-spread generosity and concern for others as the time we are living in now. Social enterprise business models are being established in rapid numbers. The term Conscious Economics is beginning to creep into our everyday language.

“A social enterprise is an organization that applies commercial strategies to maximize improvements in human and environmental well-being, rather than maximizing profits for external shareholders. Social enterprises can be structured as a for-profit or non-profit, and may take the form of a co-operative, mutual organization, a social business, or a charity organization.”http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_enterprise

“We are so close to a world that works for everyone that I can taste it. The right kinds of enterprise design, money and finance, government, local economy and social-ecological accounting are at our fingertips. We only need to make enough consensus through dialogue in diverse communities to bring this about. This requires open-minded and mindful people who operate out of maturity and mutual respect.” Torrey Byles [http://consciouseconomics.org/defining-conscious-economics]

It is an exciting time to be alive! And you know what? I have finally found Truth and I have found God. The Divine was inside of me all along. I just didn’t know it.  I believe it is part of my mission, my dharma, to pass along what I have learned. Yes, I am still a servant and I will serve humanity with the gifts, talents, and strengths I have been blessed with. Now I can breathe a sigh of relief. I have found You, God. I have found Truth and my soul is at peace. My niche is called Namaste Healing Center and Thrive Farm, an organic permaculture urban farm  (social enterprise)and I work with the forlorn, the forgotten, and the very people that Jesus came to serve. I am honored to have been chosen for this work and I give it my all. Namaste