Return to normalcy?

Normalcy. What is that exactly? For me it is being in close contact with my grown children, my momma, & my sister. It is getting up in the morning with a plan, albeit a flexible one, but a plan nonetheless.

I haven’t been blogging much this past year. I just haven’t been interested & that is NOT normal for me! I have lots to say, lots to share, & I love doing that.

Today in meditation I focused on Trust and Acceptance. The trust thingy has been a huge roadblock for me since I was a young child. I am getting better & better at trusting my intuition; better at heeding that still small voice of God. Acceptance? I am fairly accepting in most areas of my life. Why fight? I have found it to be fruitless to fight the flow of life and so I flow in acceptance of it. I am training myself to live more & more in the NOW of life instead of in my dreams & wishes.

Trust & Acceptance meditation (Deepak Chopra)

Let Go and Trust

Let Go and Trust

Today I will trust the unknown. The known is a prison of the past.

Today I will relinquish the known.

Today I will step into the unknown and in every moment I will lay my trust in the field infinite of possibilities.

By trusting the unknown I will find creativity, imagination, inspiration, intuition, insight, and conscious choice making.

Today I will step into the unknown.

Today I will relinquish the known. I will realize that the known is a prison of my past conditioning. By stepping into the unknown in every moment, I will enter the field of infinite possibilities.

Today I will trust the unknown and enter the field of infinite possibilities.

When I got on facebook today I saw a post from a woman I follow….Maggie Perkins ( She posted a quote by Gilda Radner (Roseanne Roseannadanna….lol)

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next.  Delicious Ambiguity.” 

― Gilda Radner

10 Surprising Facts About Orgasms

Learn everything you never knew about climaxing

Psst—you over there! Don’t be shy…orgasms are as much a part of women’s health as dental floss—but a lot more fun. For all the things you’ve been dying to find out as well as things you’ve never even thought of, expand your knowledge about the “big O” with this list of enlightening facts.


1. Orgasms can relieve pain.
Got a headache? Maybe you should have sex after all. “There is some evidence that orgasms can relieve all kinds of pain—including pain from arthritis, pain after surgery and even pain during childbirth,” notes Lisa Stern, RN, MSN, a nurse practitioner who works with Planned Parenthood in Los Angeles and blogs at “The mechanism is largely due to the body’s release of a chemical called oxytocin during orgasm,” she says. “Oxytocin facilitates bonding, relaxation and other positive emotional states.” While the pain relief from orgasm is short-lived—usually only about eight to 10 minutes—she points to past research indicating that even thinking about sex can help alleviate pain.

2. Condom use doesn’t affect orgasm quality.
In case you’re wondering if a condom has anything to do with the quality of your orgasm, don’t. “Women are equally likely to experience orgasm with or without a condom, dispelling myths that condoms don’t make for good sex,” says Debby Herbenick, PhD, a research scientist at Indiana University and author of Because It Feels Good. “In fact, condoms may help a couple spend more time having sex, as a man doesn’t have to ‘pull out’ quickly if he’s worried about ejaculating too soon,” she says. If your guy is resistant to wearing a condom because of lack of sensation, consider manual stimulation first, before intercourse, so he can have an equally enjoyable experience.

3. Thirty percent of women have trouble reaching orgasm.
If you’ve ever had trouble climaxing, you’re not alone. According to Planned Parenthood statistics, as many as 1 in 3 women have trouble reaching orgasm when having sex. And as many as 80 percent of women have difficulty with orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone. Clitoral stimulation during intercourse can help, says Stern, but so can medical treatment. “Female sexual dysfunction (FSD), which encompasses the inability to orgasm, is very common—as high as 43 percent, according to some surveys—and has been a topic of much debate and medical investigation lately,” she says. “For some women, topical testosterone therapies or some oral medications can be helpful, but few medical treatments have solid evidence behind them.” Because FSD may be associated with certain medical conditions, be sure to see your doctor to rule out things like thyroid disease, depression or diabetes.

4. Finding your G-spot may improve the likelihood of orgasm.
Can you identify your G-spot? The “G” refers to Ernst Gräfenberg, MD, a German gynecologist who is credited with “discovering” it in the 1950s, and sex experts have long touted this area of female genitalia, which is believed to contain a large number of nerve endings, as the key to helping women achieve longer and stronger orgasm. But it’s a controversial topic. Researchers in England refuted its existence recently, even after Italian researchers supposedly found the spot on ultrasound and published their findings in The Journal of Sexual Medicine. Still, sex educators like Los Angeles–based Ava Cadell support the existence of the G-spot, and encourage women to find theirs. While the location may be slightly different in all women, it’s most often found inside the vagina and is characterized by a “rougher” texture.

5. Orgasm gets better with age.
Sure, there are plenty of things to gripe about when it comes to age, but your sex life may actually improve—specifically the quality and frequency of orgasm, reports Dr. Herbenick. “Orgasm becomes easier with age,” she says. “As an example, while 61 percent of women ages 18 to 24 experienced orgasm the last time they had sex, 65 percent of women in their 30s did and about 70 percent of women in their 40s and 50s did.” Though the survey didn’t indicate why orgasms come easier with age, we can assume that as women become more sexually experienced, they have more confidence in the bedroom and therefore enjoy themselves more. Additionally, the trust and intimacy that most women experience in long-term relationships can help improve sexual confidence as well.

6. Women who mix things up in the bedroom have more frequent orgasm.
If you have trouble reaching orgasm during intercourse, consider switching things up, says Dr. Herbenick. “It is significantly easier for women to experience orgasm when they engage in a variety of sex acts as opposed to just one act,” she says. “For example, vaginal sex plus oral sex would be linked to a higher likelihood of orgasm than either one of them alone. This may be because more sex acts mean that people spend more time having sex.”

7. A woman’s sexual self-esteem can affect the quality of her orgasms.
Research shows that how a woman feels about her genitals is linked to the quality of her orgasms. “As a women’s health clinician, I can vouch for the fact that every vagina looks different and there is no ‘perfect’ way for a vagina to look,” says Stern. “As long as your vagina is pain-free and you don’t have any abnormal discharge, sores or other medical problems, you can consider yourself healthy and normal.” Increase your orgasm potential by increasing your confidence, she says. “It’s important to treat yourself the way you would want others to treat you—send yourself healthy, positive messages about yourself and your body.” Another trick: Pull out a hand mirror and take a look! Getting to know yourself down there is the first step in feeling confident about your parts.

8. There is an orgasm “gap.”
While it’s true that a small number of men have trouble with orgasm, sex experts report that it’s rare. Instead, a significant percentage of women report not having had an orgasm the last time they had sex, even when their male partner thought they had. “We still have an orgasm gap,” notes Dr. Herbenick. “While 85 percent of men thought their partner had an orgasm during their most recent episode of sex, only 64 percent of women reported having an orgasm.” The cure? It’s complicated, says Dr. Herbenick, but women who are comfortable with and understand their body’s pleasure points can often learn to orgasm regularly.

9. In rare cases, orgasm can happen without genital stimulation.
We’ve all heard about women who can orgasm while sitting on a train or while getting a massage, but it’s no urban legend. Experts say it’s a real phenomenon. “I had a friend who had an orgasm every time she used the treadmill,” says Stern. “If that happened to all of us, we’d be a much more physically fit society!” But, humor aside, there’s an explanation for why this occurs. “The reason for spontaneous orgasms during certain activities is twofold—increased blood flow to the genitals and vibration of or contact with the clitoris. The increased blood flow and the general relaxation of a massage can lead to orgasm sometimes, too.”

10. For most women, it takes a while…
Many women take longer to climax than their male partners, and that’s perfectly normal, says Stern. In fact, according to statistics, most women require at least 20 minutes of sexual activity to climax. “If you find that your partner often reaches orgasm before you do, there are ways to help him slow down,” she says. “Mental exercises can sometimes work, and so can firm pressure around the base of the penis. If premature ejaculation is a concern, your partner may want to see a primary care doctor or urologist to find some techniques that might help.”

Sarah Jio is the health and fitness blogger for Visit her blog, Vitamin G.


Sat-Chit-Ananda is a triple consciousness. Sat is existence, Chit is consciousness and Ananda is bliss. You can separate them if you want to and, at the same time, you can take them as one. If one achieves Existence, then inside Existence he has Consciousness itself. And if one has Consciousness, then Bliss is there. It is like an apartment or plot of land. You can give the plot of land one name or, if you want to divide it, each part of the plot can be called by a different name. But the reality of one is bound to be found in the other. They complement one another. So you can either separate them or keep them as one.

Sat-Chit-Ananda is the triple consciousness on the highest plane, and that plane is for the absolutely chosen few. To reach Sat-Chit-Ananda is a most difficult thing. Hardly twenty or thirty Masters have reached it and stayed at that plane, and hardly one or two can embody it. Some Masters have reached that plane and immediately came down because it was too high for them. It is much easier for people to reach the illumined mind or the Supermind, but Sat-Chit-Ananda is absolutely the highest. That consciousness is almost impossible to attain, even for the spiritual Masters. (God, Avatars and Yogis)

To be sure, the Kingdom of Heaven is more than just a mere plane, like other planes. It is a plane of divine Consciousness. It is a state of Realization. It embodies Sat-Chit-Ananda. Sat is divine Existence, Chit is divine Consciousness, Ananda is divine Bliss. When we go deep within we feel these three together, and when we acquire the inner vision to perceive them all at once, we live verily in the Kingdom of Heaven. Otherwise, Existence is at one place, Consciousness is somewhere else and Bliss is nowhere near the other two. When we see and feel Existence-Consciousness-Bliss on the selfsame plane, each complementing and fulfilling the others, we can say that we live in the Kingdom of Heaven. Yes, the Kingdom of Heaven is within us. Not only can we feel it, but without the least possible doubt, we can become it.

The Best Orgasm of My Life~Female Masturbation Tips

Devi Ward's Blog

Authentic Tantra Workshops & CoachingI continue to be amazed at how this Tantra stuff really works.

Last night I seriously had the best orgasm of my entire life, by myself, all alone, just little ole me, myself, & I.

And the surprising thing is it was just a clitoral orgasm.

I say “just” because as women, we are capable of over 11 different kinds of orgasm, and I myself have experienced all 11 kinds, multiple times in a row.

So needless to say,  I’ve had my share of mind-blowing orgasmic experiences, and have considered most clitoral orgasms as “puny” in comparison to our true orgasmic potential as women.

But last night changed all that. The biggest, baddest, most mind-melting orgasm of my life happened last night, with only clitoral stimulation occurring.

So what happened to make that occur?

Well a few things really- as I said to start, I am amazed at…

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What Does It Mean To Let Go?

To “let go” does not mean to stop caring. It means I can’t do it for someone else.

To “let go” is not to cut myself off. It’s the realization that I can’t control another.

To “let go” is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To “let go” is not to try to change or blame another. It’s to make the most of myself.

To “let go” is not to care for, but to care about.

To “let go” is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To “let go” is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To “let go” is not to be in the middle, arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.

To “let go” is not to deny, but to accept.

To “let go” is not to nag, scold, or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To “let go” is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.

To “let go” is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

To “let go” is to fear less and to love more.

~ Author Unknown~

A Beginner’s Guide to Tantric Sex

Tantric sex attempts to bring two loving partners together in more than just a physical manner. The word Tantra is Sanskrit and is derived from the root word tan meaning “to extend, expand, spread, continue, spin out, weave, to put forth or manifest.” The idea is to extend your mind and encompass your body to achieve the ultimate satisfaction. In the practice of Tantra, there is a sort of “being- consciousness-bliss” which has the power of self-evolution and self-involution (learning and expanding and looking into oneself). Therefore, the evolution of self helps to bring two people closer together.

One essential element of Tantra is taking time to become absorbed in oneself and your partner. The methods learned and used in Tantric sex provide sensations and sexual pleasure far more intense and complex than just a simple orgasm. In Tantric sex, the orgasm is simply a by-product of the connectedness we feel with our partner.

You begin by creating an environment that is free from distractions, an area that is calm, quiet and peaceful. Your sacred space should be clean of clutter, decorated peacefully, warm, and inviting. Since you will be naked, the room should be warm in temperature as well. Nothing disconnects you from your lover like a shivering body. Playing soft music, lighting candles, and being comfortable are all especially important in creating a Tantric environment.

Once you are in your love haven, sit on the bed, face each other, look into each other’s eyes, and simply breathe. You have to get in touch with each other’s rhythm. You breathe in and out purposefully, paying attention to your lover’s rhythm. As you continue to breathe together, you become closer spiritually, more relaxed, and more in tune. The more attuned you are, the more aware and connected.

Tantric sex is not a race to the finish. Tantric sex is slow and purposeful, but fun. While traditional Tantrists will practice the slow lovemaking for hours upon hours, the average person trying to learn Tantra is not going to have the patience or, quite frankly, the willpower to devote such time. The idea is to not rush, to enjoy yourself, and get as highly aroused as you can.

The basic idea here is to caress, stroke, lick, touch, kiss, and otherwise tease and enjoy each other. You can take turns with a slow, seductive massage or simply sit and touch each other slowly. Pay homage to your lover’s body – all of it. That means ears, nose, neck, stomach, thighs, feet, and so on. The goal is to become familiar, relaxed, and aroused by the whole person, not just the penis or the vagina though you may wish to include a Lingam and Yoni massage as part of your lovemaking.

When you begin the actual sexual intercourse stage, it is important to bring yourself to a heightened state of arousal and then let yourself down. This means, while you are making love, when the man feels his orgasm impending, he should stop, breathe, come down a bit, and then continue to pleasure his partner and himself. This not only builds a tremendous level of sexual tension, but it also develops self-control, heightens the emotional connection, and makes the final release ten times more intense.

Eventually, both partners will get to the point when they have to release. Since Tantric sex involves a total connection, as you are preparing to release your sexual tension, make sure to look deeply into your lover’s eyes, feel their breathing, and communicate your feelings. When a couple is connected in this way, the orgasm that comes will be totally engulfing. Orgasm does not mean that journey ends though. Take the time to connect with one another, and your own road to enlightenment will begin.

When personal Tantra instruction is either inconvenient or too expensive, Al Link and Pala Copeland’s Sexual Mastery Course and Kerry and Diane Riley’s Ultimate Home Tantra Course are two excellent self-teaching courses. I highly recommend either of these courses for those who can’t find a local Tantra teacher, attend a Tantra workshop, or just want to explore Tantra in the privacy of their own home.

“My own understanding is that man had his first glimpses of awakening, of meditation, in moments of lovemaking — nowhere else. It was only in moments of lovemaking that human beings realized for the first time that so much bliss is possible” — Osho

Reblogged from:

Time to Get Real

From my earliest recollections I have been a sexually-aware being. I’m not certain if I was born this way or if there was an event in my life that nudged me in this direction. I only know that I Am.

When I was nine my grandfather molested me. As far as I can remember it was only one time and it was in the backseat of my parents car. I don’t recall what we were doing. I only remember that my grandfather pushed his fingers inside my young yoni. I was surprised by it and truth be known, it didn’t feel unpleasant. However, it violated a trust and struck me to the core of my being. I haven’t been able to fully trust another person ever since.

It is a terrible thing to lose trust. There is always this need to be vulnerable and yet there is the niggling feeling that to do so would be detrimental somehow. It has affected every relationship I have had.

I’m not here to lament what happened. The past is the past and I forgave him long ago. Once I learned that to not forgive was hurting me and not him, I just had to let it go. Even so, the effects of that violation have haunted me. It’s time to get real. It’s time to let it all go once and for all.

The Universe has brought into my life a most splendid man. He touches my soul like no other has ever done before. And I am ruining it! I am allowing the past to poison what started off as such a lovely connection. I am allowing my programming about sex and religion to destroy one of the most poignant connections I have encountered. And so here I am, getting real with myself, baring my all for others to see. Being vulnerable.

The thing is, I like being vulnerable. I truly enjoy soul connections. I am open to love, once you get past the sentry to my heart, that is:) I fully understand that we are sexual creatures and there is tremendous energy & power in our sexuality.

I have been delving into all things spiritual the past couple of years. I allowed a particularly heinous relationship almost be the literal death of me. How I must have despised myself and felt unworthy to have allowed such treatment! Ever the scientist, I have explored all of the reasons I allowed this relationship. In the end I realized I simply didn’t love ME enough. I have been working on that intensely for the past year or so.

For awhile I let myself be bogged down by the “why” of it. Why did I not love me? What events caused me to lose that love. On and on I searched until I finally realized that the ‘why’ of it is really not that important. What IS important is that I begin to love myself again. That is exactly what I have been doing, too. I am teaching myself to love me just the way I am. Not the way I want to be…a few pounds lighter, healthier, richer, happier. I have come to accept me as I am and I truly do love me.

I have discovered that the only way to live the life I want and to be the person I want to be is to love me in all of my flaws and weakness as well as my strengths and beauty. I Am Love. I know this deep in my soul. Now to get my ego and past programming out of the way so I can enjoy this perfectly lovely relationship with my new lover.

Fear is a great motivator. Sometimes fear paralyses us into inaction, however, sometimes it is the thing that propels us into greater experiences of life. That is where I am today. I do not want to lose this connection. I do not want to destroy what has proven thus far to be one of the most enlightening connections of my Five decades of life. I want to Be In The Moment. As Dan Millman wrote in The Way of the Peaceful Warrior, “What Time Is It? NOW. That is what time it is.

I almost lost my opportunity for the greatest growth spurt of my spiritual life because I was afraid of being vulnerable and afraid of trusting too much. I cannot allow fear of being hurt to keep me from him.

I am open to you my love. I will trust you as you ask. Teach me the secrets I know you have for me. I am oh so ready for your power & energy…oh so very very ready.

Vulnerability is a birthplace of Joy-Creativity -Belonging

Be Courageous


Another Way To Make Love

There’s nothing new about hooking up. As a sexual-revolutionary, I practically lived on the Relationship Roller Coaster. Little did I know that biology was arranging every ride. Like many, I believed I just hadn’t found “Mr. Right,” even after I married and divorced. As it turned out, the issue wasn’t so much who as how.

I started to connect the dots in my thirties, when I experimented with a little known sacred sex technique — and learned something unexpected. The technique calls for generous affection and relaxed intercourse. Instead of climaxing, lovers keep melting into a sort of sexual meditation until they feel completely satisfied. Over thousands of years, people have rediscovered this approach, so it goes by various names: angelic dual cultivation, le jazer (cortezia), karezza, the reserved embrace (amplexus reservatus), and so forth. (More in future posts.)

The “avoid orgasm” element seemed peculiar, but as much as I loved orgasm, I was ready to try anything that promised greater harmony. I was expending far too much time and energy angsting over my love life.

Early results were mixed. As long as a lover and I stayed with the practice, we experienced growing harmony and deeper intimacy. But it was really easy to drop back into hot foreplay and orgasm. At first, the resulting pattern was almost too subtle to identify, but after a while it became exasperatingly predictable. During the days and weeks after a passion bout, the spark faded. Arguments arose. So did a need for space. Both the drive to “fix” the tension with more hot sex, and the drive to “fix” each other, reached gale force. I thought, “If only he would….” He saw me differently, too. Eventually the relationship would crater, and I would start anew with increased determination.

Very slowly I learned the wisdom of steering around orgasm during intercourse. The benefits? Some showed up in the bedroom, but many showed up elsewhere. We looked cuter — at least to each other. We stopped bickering over nonsense. We both felt sexually satisfied, with no sexual performance issues. We lost our need for “space.” Arguments about “not doing enough” or “not giving enough” stopped. Communication struggles evaporated. We wanted to be together even after our honeymoon neurochemistry wore off.

At some point during this learning curve, my husband joined the quest. We’ve been playing with this approach to lovemaking for eight years now. It’s different, but lighthearted and affectionate. We laugh a lot. We find each other adorable. In fact, we’re so hooked on harmony that we actually resent it a bit when orgasm does sneak up on us.

So how can sex affect lovers’ outlooks? Esoteric talk about conserving sexual energy didn’t satisfy my physiology-teaching husband, who delved into the dark corners of scientific journals. The evidence pointed to a primitive program related to an ancient part of the brain common to all mammals (limbic brain). Chemical messengers produce an “I’m done!” feeling after a night of passionate sex. The result is a strong, yet subconscious, signal. It says, “Mission accomplished!” And, often, “Who’s next?”

Comedian Bill Maher summed it up:

Forget breast implants. It’s never about big or little, or short or tall, or blonde or brunette. It’s only about “old” and “new.” Hugh Grant had Elizabeth Hurley at home, and he wanted Marvin Hagler in a wig.

Like it or not, sexual satiety leads to declining attraction–and the tendency to find novel mates especially alluring. Scientists call this the Coolidge Effect. Consider this experiment. Researchers took a group of monkeys and fixed the females so that they were always in the mood (with daily hormones). Monkey heaven, right?

Not so much. Over the next 3.5 years the males copulated with declining frequency and enthusiasm. Scientists then replaced the females with different females (also on hormones). The males snapped right back to their initial zest and frequency…at least for a bit. Mother Nature doesn’t like unfertilized females.

The Coolidge Effect has shown up in all the mammals tested for it, even in females. It’s hard to spot at the beginning of a relationship, thanks to the effects of powerful, alas temporary, honeymoon neurochemistry. But it lurks there, creating tension with our romantic inclinations.

While it may seem cruel, there’s a kind of biological logic to this tension between mating impulses and pair-bonding longings; it ensures that we bond (on average) for long enough to fall in love with our child (who benefits from two caregivers)–before becoming restless. This arrangement serves our genes’ objectives of more offspring with more diversity among them.

It may not serve us, however. Affectionate touch and close trusted companionship are excellent health insurance. Not only that, when researchers look at which factors statistically predict human happiness, “harmonious pair-bond” tops the list.

Perhaps this is why we earthlings keep rediscoving this practice of frequent, gentle intercourse which side-steps sexual satiety. It’s like learning to diet by eating smarter, rather than struggling to eat less. As my husband says, “my limbic brain stays enchanted because I don’t attempt to fertilize you.”

We’ve replaced biology’s spell with our own.

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What I Won’t Do For Love

Tap, tap, tap…I deeply & completely love myself…tap, tap, tap (EFT style)

I AM Love. I need not search for it. If I desire that precious, euphoric, Divine Bliss – all I need to do is go WITHIN. I see so many of my Brothers and Sisters desperately searching to ‘find it’ and then to ‘own it’ Rest assured if you fall into this category it is only because you have a void within yourself and no person; nothing can fill this void. They may be able to temporarily fill it, but eventually you will revisit this void and it will sabotage any form of happiness you filled it with.

I see many many, even evolved, spiritual beings still getting swooped into the cliché that you need another to experience true Love. I see many compromise their own standards, boundaries and ideologies just for a cheap shot at filling the void that lies within. Anything to mask the darkness, the loneliness, the sadness. Many are not even aware of this void because they have been masking it for so long. I, too, have experienced this void from time to time. I, too, have tried to fill it in the past with another’s love; with food; with alcohol; with my work, but always found that all those substitutes eventually just landed me in a deeper void.

In my last, long-term relationship, I found that I often battled with an internal conflict. I was using his love to replace the love I once gave to myself. The result was a silent, unspoken unhappiness within one I could not understand until I finally exited the relationship and returned once again to myself.

So here is my commitment to myself, no matter what, I love ME more than anything. I owe it to my own precious soul to experience its natural state of Bliss and Euphoria without the illusion that I got it from another. I will not stop until I come back to this state on my own.

I won’t go searching for a partner. I won’t go out on multiple dates, desperately hoping i might eventually find someone. I know that when I meet my next Soulmate, it will not be because I got the best pick of the litter. I will not find him through the process of elimination. I will attract him through my powerful, creative intentions and he will manifest when the time is perfect, not when I think it’s time. Divine Timing is key when meeting a Soulmate. I know if I go ‘searching’ I will certainly find a partner, a Mr. Right-for-Now and then convince myself he is the one. I don’t want that. I have had that too many times. I want Mr. Divine-Soulmate-Because-I-Waited. No exceptions.

I won’t use dates to fill my time so I don’t feel lonely for we are never alone anyhow. Our Beloved exists within us. I will enjoy my silence, my Sacred time alone. For it is during this time of retreat that I get to experience my own intimate the one between me and God. When I am alone, I shall talk to God, dance with God and make love to God. I will get to know myself again, searching within to see who I am at this moment for we are forever changing and expanding  and I am never the same person. My needs and desires are always changing so who am I at this moment? I owe it to myself to honor this ‘new’ me.

I will love, love, love me. I will buy myself flowers, take myself out on dates, play, sing, laugh until I cry and share my beauty and love with the world, not just one person!

I will heal myself first! I will take the time – however long it is to go within, with a Huge flashlight. I will ask God to reveal to me what areas need healing or expansion. I will be honest with myself and admit my human flaws, weaknesses and illusions so that I can release them,  instead of bringing them into my next relationship. I will not rush this process, for I know that healing happens in layers. I will not do a ‘little’ work and then tell myself it is enough. I will take a deep look at exactly what i want from a partner, write it down and then take a close look at myself. Am I at the frequency of this Soulmate that I desire and know I deserve? Do I have the very qualities that i am asking for in this person? If not, instead of lowering my standards, I shall work on myself until I do. In this way, I will be expanding myself and raising my own vibrations so high that I am assured to ‘attract’ this Divine partner.

Should I meet someone, even if I think he might be my Soulmate I won’t jump in with my eyes closed. I will befriend him, get to know him, enjoy his company. And continue spending time with myself, loving myself. There is no rush, especially if you think this person might be your soulmate. In fact, if you suspect that he/she is all the more reason to wait! You will have a lifetime together, so why rush things? I never understood why people meet, have a beautiful connection then decide to drop the rest of their world, their friends, their work, their precious solitude and consume every waking moment with that person. Slow down. Take your time and get to see every side of this person before you decide that he/she is the ‘One.’ Everyone puts their ‘game-face’ on in the beginning the side of them they want you to see. But we all have shadows. Who is this person once the ‘newlywed phase’ is over? I want to see that side before I label you as my Divine partner and definitely before I commit to you.

If Spirit should reveal to me that you are indeed my Soulmate I shall REJOICE! I shall not, however, lose myself in you. I will love you and receive your love with gladness but I will not lose sight of the most precious authentic love, which exists within me. You may add joy, peace; Bliss and love to my life but you are not the Source of it. God is the source and I shall never trade one love in for the other I shall have both. For the love I share with God, I shall share with this partner and not the other way around.

I will not try to own our love, label it, define it or claim that it will last forever nor make any vows to any of this either. I shall love you with all my heart, unconditionally. I shall love you until it hurts and i feel as if my heart is exploding! I shall bless each and every moment we spend together and thank God for each day you are in my life. But I will not write you into my future. For we cannot travel into tomorrow, though our ego will try to convince us to do this. Our fear-based Ego will tell us that we need a guarantee, we need a ‘safety’ plan, and we need to know that we can own this thing that brings us so much love. Our Ego tells us it is not safe to let go, to be vulnerable, to surrender unless there is a guarantee. But one is not truly being vulnerable and surrendering if they need a guarantee in order to do so. And I have learned the hard way that there is never any guarantees in life except that it is forever changing. The only constant is that we are energetic beings, forever growing and expanding yet we know not in which direction. Therefore, although I can hope we grow and expand in the same direction I will not promise for we simply do not know. Instead I will take a chance, put my heart on the line and love you in this present moment and that will be enough. Anything else would be an expectation and expectations set us up for disappointment.
Love is the greatest reminder of our TRUTH. It is the pathway back home. It will make us sigh, walk around in la-la land, singing and humming and viewing the world through rose-colored glasses. It will inspire us, heal us, make us laugh, make us cry, bring us to ecstasy and heightened states of Euphoria. My friends that is how we are supposed to feel all of the time! Why are you waiting for or depending on another to help to ‘arrive’ at this place? This state of being is your Divine make-up!! You ARE Love. Find this state of bliss inside of yourself! Travel there NOW! And if you don’t know how to get there, instead of waiting on another to show you set out an intention to find it yourself! Make this your lifetime goal! So many people make their lifetime goal to find a partner, get married and live happily ever after. So your goal is Codependency? Why would anyone choose that? Instead rearrange your priorities and choose FREEDOM instead of co-dependency. Freedom means that you have this beautiful, complete and perfect state of happiness and fulfillment in your life, no matter what because you found it on your own. In this way, no one can ever take it from you either. You may have to do healing work; you may have to drop old, outdated beliefs, fears, and stigmata’s. But I assure you, it is worth it!! The price you pay will be returned to you fifty fold!!

written by Elaine Caban and totally & completely expresses tot he word, how I feel and where I am on my journey.