Be Impeccable with Your Word

My Values

I recently re-looked at one of the many values/personality/skills tests I often take. It seems I am on a continuous quest to understand who I am. However, I am finding that it is not I whom I want to understand. I want to be UNDERSTOOD! And I want to understand others.

Not long ago I went through a romantic relationship break-up. I am the one who broke it off and yet it seems I am the one having trouble letting it go. I don’t like that part of me. I know why I ended it. I wasn’t happy. I felt taken for granted. I had to beg for sex, for crying out loud!!! We had a quasi-polyamorous relationship. I say quasi because he is in a committed relationship with someone and I have other lovers and he knows about them and they know about him. I am a huge proponent of No Secrets! She, however, pretends I do not exist most of the time. Of course there are the times when our relationship is put before her. She goes through his phone and sees that we still talk. Then there is the ensuing flurry of hate-filled phone calls and texts from her until he persuades her to stop. Then it’s back to business as usual. This has been going on for almost 2 ½ years and became excruciatingly tiresome.

He lies. He lies to both of us about a myriad of things. His last foray into the Liar Kingdom was simply the straw that broke the camels’ back for me. And so, I ended it and I didn’t do it gracefully. I stumbled like a clumsy oaf through it all; the proverbial bull in a china shop. How appropriate since I am a Taurus after all. It was acrimonious and so ugly! I am embarrassed by the way I handled the whole thing. I wish I could take it back and behave how I really feel in my heart and not allow my ego to have full reign. Alas, I cannot so I dissect the crap out of what I did and didn’t do and try, ever so valiantly, to NOT beat myself up.

As I dissect, I try to understand my motives. That is what has led me to read the book I am reading by Don Miguel Ruiz, “The Mastery of Love, A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship”. Perhaps you have read one of his previous works, The Four Agreements, an excellent missive of Toltec wisdom. I often refer to it, especially when troubled by a personal event, such as this current break-up. The first agreement, Be Impeccable with Your Word, has been coming up quite often recently; not only with my lover, but with my former roommate & his brother. Apparently it is something I need refreshed in my own life and that is why it continues to come up. The simple way of saying this is, “Do What You Say You Are Going to Do”. An online personality, Danielle LaPorte, has also been putting this out there. My father taught me this principle as a young child and he reiterated it quite often through my life. He was a person whose “word” you could take to the bank, as the saying goes. My father taught me to detest lying and the lying liars who tell them. The thing is we all lie at some point for a host of reasons; most of which are just to save face so we won’t be embarrassed. Be Impeccable With Your Word.

Was I not in my past relationship? Am I not in life? The Word. Very powerful stuff, that. The Bible tells us that God created all of creation with just that…His Word. In the New Testament Jesus is spoken of as The Word…In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and The Word is God. (paraphrased from John 1:1) Yes indeed, our words create the world in which we live. Many people will say it is the Vibration of our thoughts that create the world we live in, but I believe our words are just as powerful as our thoughts, our feelings, & our vibrations. People have no clue what we are thinking until we speak. They can guess, they can surmise, & they can assume, but until you actually speak, we’re all fumbling in the dark.

I am thinking I was totally impeccable with my word with my lover. I tried to be on most occasions, however, I sometimes held back. I didn’t fully speak my mind out of fear I wouldn’t be understood. Did he ever really know what I was talking about? He once told me that conversation with me was almost as good as the sex we shared…almost. I wonder if he truly knew how much that affected my feelings for him and how it strengthened our relationship and actually kept it going longer than it should have.

Oh how I miss him, but because I love myself more than I wanted the relationship I left it. I left it because I felt that to continue sent signals to him that it was alright for him to keep lying to ‘her; alright to make promises and constantly break them…no call, no show, no explanation. I was supposed to accept that??? Why? Why would any self-respecting person put up with such contempt or value of their time? The thing is, no SELF respecting person would. I put very little expectation into this relationship because he lied to me from the very beginning of it. Because I had just ended a very abusive relationship and need validating I put up with it. I traded sex for companionship. I traded sex for conversation. I did as many women do, I traded sex for validation.

It is said the lesson will keep coming to you until you learn it. I broke it off with this lover many times before. What makes today different? I REMEMBERED the lesson I had learned at the end of my marriage. I do not need anyone to validate me. I am worthy of love. I am worthy of truth. I am awesome & I know it. I am Strong. I am Powerful. I am Beautiful. All I NEED in this world is to remember that I am wonderfully made and my Creators love me more than I could ever ask or imagine. Now I say yes. Yes to me and yes to life.

Just last week my current roommates’ lover tried to set me up. He felt bad that I am alone. He equates being alone with lonely. I told him that I am not lonely and that I actually enjoy my own company. I am using this time to heal the wounds; to learn more about myself AND others. I am using this time to re-connect to the things that bring me joy. I am using this time to discover all the barriers within myself that keep me from having the love I deserve and the life I want to live. I feel good. Do I miss my lover? Hell yes! We had awesome sex and conversation. But in the end it was all built on lies. The lies he told and the lies I told myself. Never compromise your values. In the end you will be so unhappy with that decision. Be Impeccable With Your WORD.

What is Love Exactly?

Years ago there was a singer who published his work under the Christian genre. His name is Don Francisco and he sang with people like Amy Grant, as well as on his own. His most famous song is He’s Alive and to this day I get chills when I listen to this song and I often cry in gratitude.

When my ex and I married we chose his songs, “I Could Never Promise You”. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPGYwVEHZJA  His work made a big impact on my life and I still think of his songs now and then. Bitter Sweet memories for certain, especially since it was my ex who chose the song.

I’m wondering if my ex and I had continued to listen to Don’s work if we may still be married? Guess that point is moot now since we’ve been apart for as long as we were married.

Why am I thinking of these things? I received a post by Mastin Kipp, a young man who blogs regularly, and is transparent in his struggles and in his victories. Today’s post about Love brought me to Don’s songs because his songs are all about Love…Jesus’ love for us…God’s Love for us. It all started with Mastin’s first line…Love is an action, a choice. Don’s song says Love is not a feeling, it’s an act of your will. I recall this often when people are acting unloving toward me and when I am feeling unloving, too. Music, at least to me, is the language of our souls. Music and lyrics often say what we are unable to verbalize ourselves. My last long-term relationship partner used to laugh that he could always tell how I was feeling by what I was playing. I also used those songs to drive home something I had been saying to him, but he wasn’t really hearing me. The music always and I do mean always caught his attention. He is just a musically driven as I am 🙂 I hope you enjoy Mastin’s post as much as I do. I like it when people make me THINK!

Love is an action, a choice. 
Love is not really an emotion. 
To Love someone is to choose to show up to be devoted to The Divine through that person.

So often in life these days we think that Love is easy or that Love only feels good, but that is not the full extent of what Love is – especially relationship Love.

People think that relationship Love is something that must mask your true feelings, it must always be a euphoric high of some kind or that Love must be a trade.

But that’s not what Love is.

Love is a constant offering to serve to Heart of the person you are in a relationship with. Love is a constant surrendering of your protective ego, so that the Heart can open even more and show you the unknown beauty of its depths.

Love transcends language, religion and belief systems. Love is the deepest gift that we could ever be given by someone and it’s the greatest gift that we could ever give ourselves.

Love is not a trade. Love is not a power trip. Love is not some grandiose expression of infatuation. Love is a humble and subtle power that guides us to grow into titans of giving.

Love asks us to see beyond the fear of our partner, to dive deeper than their ego would want us to and to not leave, even when all that is triggering us wants us to run.

Love shows up when fear is present and asks for more… Love is bigger, Love is brighter, Love is more powerful than any other force in the Uni-verse, because at the core of every cell in the Universe is the deep yearning and desire to Love and be Loved.

Love does not march in with pomp and circumstance. Love whispers. Love silently beckons us to get over ourselves so that we can see the beauty that lay within us and every other sacred soul.

We were not sent to judge, for judgment is just a request for Love. We were sent to Love the parts of ourselves and the world that lack it. We were sent to be the Love in the seeming void of Love.

We, indeed, are the answer. No one is coming, for we have already come.

Our job is to wake up to Love and then be it.

Our job is to Love. Mastin Kipp

Love….Consumed

Consumed with the thoughts & actions of another. Isn’t that what we truly want? To merge with this person in a way that takes us completely out of this world. Our Heart Chakra WIDE OPEN. Bliss. Pure Bliss. This is what we seek.

And yet, there are those who will not open to it. I am wondering. Are they afraid of this consuming feeling? Do they fear a loss of control? How sad! They do  not yet know that this type of consummation is what brings total clarity of the mind and a cleansing of the soul of the everyday world. To me, this is what Tantra is really about! It is energizing and exhilarating! It is focus on what is truly important in life and the determination to bring into fruition all that one desires. It is meditation and action at the same time. It is truly being in the moment and completely present.

I have a lover who seems to fear this and he stays away from me far too much. So much that I fear our connection is ending. I am so sad that he fears this and yet I can fully understand it. It is a bit scary to those who have never experienced the total consummation of a Tantric experience. Oh yes, we have flirted with it a bit. However, he always pulls back when we begin to go deeper. I have tried to get him to speak of it, but he brushes me off as though it is not an important matter. He just doesn’t know what will come out of this connection! I don’t know how to get him to let down those walls and just TRUST ME.

Trust. A very fragile thing for us, is it not? I have had to teach myself to trust. I still struggle with it, but one day I Will conquer that demon. In the meantime, I will accept his distrust and help him to understand that I have no intentions of hurting him or betraying his trust in me.

I will sit in meditation today and I set forth the intention to draw to me the lover who is as willing to be consumed by love as I am, the one who knows the art of Sacred Sex. He is  already here. I simply need to open my eyes to see him.  Yes, my heart is a place of prayer.

~It’s beautiful when you find someone who is in love with all of you. 

Someone who wants to undress your mind and make love to your thoughts. 

Someone who wants to watch you slowly take down all the walls 

you’ve built up around your heart and let them inside.~

10 Surprising Facts About Orgasms

Learn everything you never knew about climaxing

Psst—you over there! Don’t be shy…orgasms are as much a part of women’s health as dental floss—but a lot more fun. For all the things you’ve been dying to find out as well as things you’ve never even thought of, expand your knowledge about the “big O” with this list of enlightening facts.

 

1. Orgasms can relieve pain.
Got a headache? Maybe you should have sex after all. “There is some evidence that orgasms can relieve all kinds of pain—including pain from arthritis, pain after surgery and even pain during childbirth,” notes Lisa Stern, RN, MSN, a nurse practitioner who works with Planned Parenthood in Los Angeles and blogs at Gynfizz.com. “The mechanism is largely due to the body’s release of a chemical called oxytocin during orgasm,” she says. “Oxytocin facilitates bonding, relaxation and other positive emotional states.” While the pain relief from orgasm is short-lived—usually only about eight to 10 minutes—she points to past research indicating that even thinking about sex can help alleviate pain.

2. Condom use doesn’t affect orgasm quality.
In case you’re wondering if a condom has anything to do with the quality of your orgasm, don’t. “Women are equally likely to experience orgasm with or without a condom, dispelling myths that condoms don’t make for good sex,” says Debby Herbenick, PhD, a research scientist at Indiana University and author of Because It Feels Good. “In fact, condoms may help a couple spend more time having sex, as a man doesn’t have to ‘pull out’ quickly if he’s worried about ejaculating too soon,” she says. If your guy is resistant to wearing a condom because of lack of sensation, consider manual stimulation first, before intercourse, so he can have an equally enjoyable experience.

3. Thirty percent of women have trouble reaching orgasm.
If you’ve ever had trouble climaxing, you’re not alone. According to Planned Parenthood statistics, as many as 1 in 3 women have trouble reaching orgasm when having sex. And as many as 80 percent of women have difficulty with orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone. Clitoral stimulation during intercourse can help, says Stern, but so can medical treatment. “Female sexual dysfunction (FSD), which encompasses the inability to orgasm, is very common—as high as 43 percent, according to some surveys—and has been a topic of much debate and medical investigation lately,” she says. “For some women, topical testosterone therapies or some oral medications can be helpful, but few medical treatments have solid evidence behind them.” Because FSD may be associated with certain medical conditions, be sure to see your doctor to rule out things like thyroid disease, depression or diabetes.

4. Finding your G-spot may improve the likelihood of orgasm.
Can you identify your G-spot? The “G” refers to Ernst Gräfenberg, MD, a German gynecologist who is credited with “discovering” it in the 1950s, and sex experts have long touted this area of female genitalia, which is believed to contain a large number of nerve endings, as the key to helping women achieve longer and stronger orgasm. But it’s a controversial topic. Researchers in England refuted its existence recently, even after Italian researchers supposedly found the spot on ultrasound and published their findings in The Journal of Sexual Medicine. Still, sex educators like Los Angeles–based Ava Cadell support the existence of the G-spot, and encourage women to find theirs. While the location may be slightly different in all women, it’s most often found inside the vagina and is characterized by a “rougher” texture.

5. Orgasm gets better with age.
Sure, there are plenty of things to gripe about when it comes to age, but your sex life may actually improve—specifically the quality and frequency of orgasm, reports Dr. Herbenick. “Orgasm becomes easier with age,” she says. “As an example, while 61 percent of women ages 18 to 24 experienced orgasm the last time they had sex, 65 percent of women in their 30s did and about 70 percent of women in their 40s and 50s did.” Though the survey didn’t indicate why orgasms come easier with age, we can assume that as women become more sexually experienced, they have more confidence in the bedroom and therefore enjoy themselves more. Additionally, the trust and intimacy that most women experience in long-term relationships can help improve sexual confidence as well.

6. Women who mix things up in the bedroom have more frequent orgasm.
If you have trouble reaching orgasm during intercourse, consider switching things up, says Dr. Herbenick. “It is significantly easier for women to experience orgasm when they engage in a variety of sex acts as opposed to just one act,” she says. “For example, vaginal sex plus oral sex would be linked to a higher likelihood of orgasm than either one of them alone. This may be because more sex acts mean that people spend more time having sex.”

7. A woman’s sexual self-esteem can affect the quality of her orgasms.
Research shows that how a woman feels about her genitals is linked to the quality of her orgasms. “As a women’s health clinician, I can vouch for the fact that every vagina looks different and there is no ‘perfect’ way for a vagina to look,” says Stern. “As long as your vagina is pain-free and you don’t have any abnormal discharge, sores or other medical problems, you can consider yourself healthy and normal.” Increase your orgasm potential by increasing your confidence, she says. “It’s important to treat yourself the way you would want others to treat you—send yourself healthy, positive messages about yourself and your body.” Another trick: Pull out a hand mirror and take a look! Getting to know yourself down there is the first step in feeling confident about your parts.

8. There is an orgasm “gap.”
While it’s true that a small number of men have trouble with orgasm, sex experts report that it’s rare. Instead, a significant percentage of women report not having had an orgasm the last time they had sex, even when their male partner thought they had. “We still have an orgasm gap,” notes Dr. Herbenick. “While 85 percent of men thought their partner had an orgasm during their most recent episode of sex, only 64 percent of women reported having an orgasm.” The cure? It’s complicated, says Dr. Herbenick, but women who are comfortable with and understand their body’s pleasure points can often learn to orgasm regularly.

9. In rare cases, orgasm can happen without genital stimulation.
We’ve all heard about women who can orgasm while sitting on a train or while getting a massage, but it’s no urban legend. Experts say it’s a real phenomenon. “I had a friend who had an orgasm every time she used the treadmill,” says Stern. “If that happened to all of us, we’d be a much more physically fit society!” But, humor aside, there’s an explanation for why this occurs. “The reason for spontaneous orgasms during certain activities is twofold—increased blood flow to the genitals and vibration of or contact with the clitoris. The increased blood flow and the general relaxation of a massage can lead to orgasm sometimes, too.”

10. For most women, it takes a while…
Many women take longer to climax than their male partners, and that’s perfectly normal, says Stern. In fact, according to statistics, most women require at least 20 minutes of sexual activity to climax. “If you find that your partner often reaches orgasm before you do, there are ways to help him slow down,” she says. “Mental exercises can sometimes work, and so can firm pressure around the base of the penis. If premature ejaculation is a concern, your partner may want to see a primary care doctor or urologist to find some techniques that might help.”

Sarah Jio is the health and fitness blogger for Glamour.com. Visit her blog, Vitamin G.

The Best Orgasm of My Life~Female Masturbation Tips

Love Lost?

Love Lost?
Love lost is never so,
it’s merely redirected.
Passion’s wings can rise again,
with flight of love effected.

Love’s perfection removes fear,
the imperfection shows connection
to some endearing spirit, albeit
lacking variable, minus equation

The memories of love felt as such
are ever catalyst for
the sending of sweet energy
on loves lost, altered course.

Peace for memories of the past
let the peaceful memories last
with grace allowing for
the present open door.

By: Jay Vincent

KALI – in the beginning

Let it come
I don’t care
all the poison
all the fear
let it come
let it cum
let it come
Let it surface
Let it rise
Let the tears fall
from my eyes
I don’t care
I don’t care
Let it come.
Let the fires of hell
burn; as I struggle to
learn; let the fires of hell
burn; as I struggle to
discern; I don’t care
I don’t fear; I don’t fear.
for in the ashes of my
demise; lie centuries of lying
eyes; in the dungeons of despair
in the dark night of a soul..
always there be Light.

Let it torment
Let it tear
Let it rip apart my
skin; it’s only skin
after all; it’s only skin;
Let it judge and berate
me; and even dare to
hate me; it’s only sin;
after all; it’s only sin;
let me stumble; let me fall
matters little after all
i just get up; again;
i just get up; matters
little after all, how many
times I fall; matters little
in my eyes, how many times
I rise; matters more the
lessons that I learn;

Is that the best that
you can do? Look, my soul
I’m baring it to you; put on it
your reddest curse; do with it
your level best worst; your time
is now; my time has come.
my captivation; your love of
fun; ride we shall to hell and
back; knock we shall on heaven’s
door; asking angels what wings
are for; when in hell there is no
flight; and in heaven there is Light;
spinning wheels in the game of chance
where fools get torn, who cannot dance;
your time is now; my time has come;
my soul is bare with that mustard
seed of fear. So let it come;
I don’t care; let it cum.

Artwork by:Victoria Bearden, MFA

http://victoriapaints.com/gallery/v/gallery1/Best+Kali.JPG.html

ZaraAnaiia

EROS MOST DIZZYING

“To have Eros open our eyes to the subtle plane, therefore, is intrinsically a chaotic and disorienting event. We are pulled both ways simultaneously: irresistibly inward toward unity and in panic outward from the threat of annihilation. No wonder we prefer to keep our eyes closed to the mysteries of Eros. In comparison, the survival struggle of the persona field is tame. It is far easier to believe that sexual attraction represents nothing more than the urge to procreate — the ultimate “social cement.” For as long as we see our sexual urge as purely horizontal in its intentions, we can remain quietly ignorant of the vertical dimension of sexuality and its potential as a dizzying and dangerous ladder of ascent. Indeed, the pursuit of orgasm may be the surest way to avoid Eros, for Eros appears only in the tension between the lure of union and the terror of annihilation. ” ~ anon

Perfect/Imperfect You

The human you is imperfect but the true you, the eternal you, your spiritual self, is whole and perfect. It is your soul, your consciousness, that desires healing and a stronger connection to your Spiritual or God self. Many of us have allowed our egos or lower selves to take over pushing our souls, that part of ourselves that is always connected to the God self, out of the way. Although we have never been separated from our God self, many of us have chosen to believe in the concept of God being outside of ourselves. This is an egoic belief! Unfortunately, this belief creates energetic blocks and barriers between our physical and spiritual selves creating the illusion that we are separated from God and each other. When we believe we are separate from God, the flow of spiritual energy and wisdom from our God selves diminishes to a small trickle barely keeping us alive. A limited flow of spiritual energy depletes the soul leading to poor health, distorted beliefs, confusion, depression, powerlessness, shame, anger and negative choices that are out of alignment with our higher wisdom. The soul is always trying to get our attention by communicating to us through feelings and oftentimes through pain in the physical body. The chaos on our planet is the effect of the mass consciousness choosing to unplug themselves from the higher wisdom of their God selves. We have allowed our egos and lower selves to make decisions for us leading all of us into a downward spiral of self-destruction. ♥ Sabrina (How To Raise Your Vibration)

https://www.facebook.com/pages/How-to-Raise-Your-Vibration/204840666199710

Art By: Thomas Dodd “SHAME”
http://www.redbubble.com/people/imageshifter/art/612396-shame

How to Move Mountains with Your True Heart

There will be instances in life that require you to win over people who oppose you and gain their sincere support. It is possible to gain compliance through bribes, fear and the use of force. But this is not sincere support. In any case, you will never be able to win hearts and minds in this manner. Instead, this lack of true support may cause problems for you in the future. For example, people might withdraw their support for you at key points due to a lack of loyalty.

What should you do in this case? You must move people with your sincerity. Specifically, you must show them your true heart.

What is the True Heart of Sincerity?

Dictionary.com states that sincerity means freedom from deceit, hypocrisy or duplicity; honesty in intention or in communicating; earnestness.

But the true heart of sincerity is far more complex. According to “the Korean Mind,” the meaning includes beliefs, spirituality, attitude and character. To show one’s true heart, a person must be trusted to act in accord with the highest social and ethical standards. He or she must be unselfish, honest, loyal and diligent. If need be, this person must be willing to make great sacrifices and go beyond the call of duty. This person must show that they deserve the chance they seek.

The Need to Show Your True Heart

There are many reasons why people may oppose you and your goals in the first place. It could be due to their comfort zones, their way of thinking, the upheavals due to change and so on.

They might also question your sincerity, ability and credibility. Do you have what it takes? Will you go the distance to fulfil your goals? Can they trust you if they lend your their support? Why should they support you? How will they benefit from supporting you? Is supporting you the right and best choice given the situation?

How else will you overcome such opposition unless you show your true heart?

Suffice to say, the bigger the change involved, the greater the need to show your true heart to move opposition. After all, if it were not some radical goal or idea in the first place, no one would oppose you. But because your request may bring great change, there will be great resistance that you need to overcome. And if you need the support, you will have to put in the effort. Here, you have to be wary of the factors that might prevent you from showing your true heart.

Factors That Hinder Your True Heart

1. Too Much Pride

You might feel that there is no need to demean yourself or to waste time trying to win people to your point of view. Why should you make yourself look foolish and ridiculous in the eyes of others? If they refuse to support you, it is their loss. Why must you endure repeated rejections? You do not need them and you can easily find support elsewhere.

Sometimes, it is not possible to find alternative sources of support. If this is the case, then pride may prevent you from showing your true heart. Here, you have to ask yourself what is more important, your pride or your goal. What will you achieve if you hold on to your pride? What will you achieve if you choose your goal instead?

2. Lack of Perseverance

It takes time to overcome great resistance due to the inertia involved. Thus, to move people with your true heart, you will need great perseverance. But here, the effort involved might be too much for some. In our time, where we are used to getting everything we want instantly, we might lack the needed patience. When we meet the first sign of obstacles, we might choose to give up instead of persevering. We might feel that we do not have the time to waste trying to move someone with our true heart.

If you have alternatives, then this is not a problem. But if you have no other choice, then perseverance is critical in moving people with your true heart. Here, what you choose to do and say and how you do and say it matters.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

The sincerity shown by one’s true heart is not begging or empty words. Begging has no sense of dignity or sincerity. Both begging and empty words do not convince people to lend you their full support. Such superficial forms of persuasion are unlikely to win hearts and minds. As such, people might withdraw their support at any time.

On the other hand, showing your true heart requires you to be dignified and humble. You must convince people with actions that back up your words. You must show your sincerity and ability to carry out what you say. You must also show how people will benefit if they support you, especially if great change is involved.

Here it is better to go the distance and do more than you promised. When your true heart moves people, they will support you out of respect and admiration. Your cause becomes their cause. Your goal becomes their goal. For those who are more practical-minded, they now see the benefits of helping you. Yet even this goes beyond simple self-interest. Your true heart has moved them and they are now willing to go the distance for you.

Moving people with your true heart motivates them to keep their word and lend you their full support. How then do you go about showing your true heart?

Reblogged from: http://hanofharmony.com/how-to-move-mountains-with-your-true-heart/